Page 197

“Hadi,” Misha soothed, tentatively reaching out for Hadima’s arm. “Don’t blame yourself for what she did.”

Hadima buried her head in her knees. “I should have been there!”

Iryana forced herself to scoot closer to Hadima, sliding across the blankets. She couldn’t bear to see her sister in so much pain.

“I’m glad you weren’t there,” Iryana said firmly as she wrapped her arms around Hadima. “You weren’t broken by him, you stayed here so that when Misha came, you could be the mother she needed. Misha needed you to be whole.”

Hadima really started to sob then, her chest heaving with each breath as her fingers dug into Iryana and Misha.

“Every time I think about it, I just feel so much guilt and regret,” Hadima admitted as she cried. “Like I could have spared you all some of the pain. Even if I know it’s not true, it still hurts.”

“I’m so sorry,” Iryana held her tight.

“You were there for me when I came back, Hadi,” Misha promised. “And we can’t go back and change what’s happened or what we chose to do.”

“I know.” Hadima pulled them closer. “And I—I feel horrible to admit this. But I miss my mom.”

“You can miss her,” Iryana said. “If that’s how you feel, there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“I miss what she could have been,” Misha admitted. “But you two are the only family I need.” Misha tucked her head softly against Hadima’s neck.

Iryana didn’t know how to take away her sister’s pain, so she just held her. Held them both.

“We stick together, right?” Misha asked, a mere whisper.

“Always,” Hadima promised.

“Always and forever,” Iryana agreed. Nothing would take her from them again.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Long after her sisters had fallen asleep, Iryana crept down to the kitchen. She was numb and wrung out, but she couldn’t sleep. She kept as quiet as she could while she poured a cup of tea, trying not to wake anyone sleeping in the kitchen, especially those curled atop the oven.

Lukewarm mug in one hand and a candle in the other, Iryana slipped back through the parlor.

Knowing her mother was so close kept the lines of her body tense and unable to relax. Like she was constantly bracing for her to turn the corner and bring Iryana’s world crashing down again.

“Iryana.”

She jerked, nearly spilling her tea, before turning to see her grandmother sitting in the dark.

Gods, how she wanted to run. She wasn’t ready to have this conversation. But Iryana forced herself to sit across from the First, placing her candle on the low table between them.

They sat silently for a moment, the dim light from the flickering candle dancing between them.

“What did she want?” her grandmother finally asked.

Iryana let out a short breath, clutching her mug.

“She wants us to leave the clan, to join her.” Iryana’s voice sounded cold and emotionless even to her own ears. “She thinks we’re all going to die here and offered us a safe place at her new people’s temple.”

Vesima sucked in a breath. “What did you tell her?”

Of course that was what her grandmother would worry about first. It was her duty to, after all.

“Don’t worry, First,” Iryana clenched and relaxed her jaw. “I won’t be abandoning the clan or my oaths.”

“Iryana, that’s not what I—”