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She shook her head regretfully.

He nodded, like he knew that would be the answer.

“I’m sorry I told you to fight for me back then, and then told you to stop. To wait. It was cruel.”

“It’s not your fault. I knew your family would never accept me. I don’t want to hurt you or hurt your ability to lead your clan through this.”

Iryana couldn’t help a small smile. His words gave her a painful type of joy. “You’re too good to me, even now.”

He smiled weakly. “I hate all of this. I know you do too.”

“It’s harder than I could have imagined.”

Pyetar’s head fell.

“We’re under one roof. Finally, on the same side of the wall.” His voice cracked. “And yet I’ve never felt further away from you.”

He looked so sad. So alone. Like she was getting a glimpse of the little boy he’d been after his father took away his mother and everything soft and warm in his life.

She wished she could comfort him the way he deserved. He was so alone in all this, she realized. Trying to be the general he never wanted to be, making choices about whose lives to sacrifice. All of it ate away at him, and when he went back to his temporary bed at night, he was alone.

“Can I just… can we just hold each other?” Iryana asked gently.

He nodded, desperation in his eyes.

She walked up to him and his arms opened. She pressed herself against his chest, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. His arms circled her. His head tilted to lean against hers.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Iryana sat on the icy bench to take a break, resting her arms on her knees. The work was relentless. She was near enough to the fire they’d set up in the courtyard that she was almost warm, and the sun was out, lightly heating the exposed skin of her hands and face.

That afternoon, which should have been a few hours of rest for her, had turned into laundry duty.

It was a long, arduous process. She gently scrubbed one piece at a time in a cold-water tub near the fire. Then she dropped it in the large iron pot of melted snow, now boiling over the fire, pushed it around with a wooden stick, and then transferred it to a wooden tub of water and lye for another gentle scrub. After rinsing, she walked over to the edge of the courtyard where clotheslines had been hung up to freeze-dry the laundry in the cold.

They usually did laundry in the kitchen, but the room was cramped around the clock trying to make enough porridge and warm broths to go around. And there was so much laundry to be done.

Usually some of the younger villagers helped with the laundry and ensured Hadima and the other healers had clean supplies, but they must have been pulled for some other task. Iryana had taken over for Hadima, who’d been frantically trying to clean the linens she needed in the tub.

The hall was filled with the injured; the spare rooms they’d emptied were filled with those most at risk of infection. The first floor of the clan house felt more like a hospital than a home.

The rest of the off-duty Kleesolds seemed to be congregating in the courtyard, escaping the chaos inside. Teshya took a break to play with a bundled Anara, Darsha peeled potatoes on the porch, and Edvar walked around, staring into the distance.

“Iryana!”

She looked up to find Pepha, Vabihn, and Mezhimar carrying sacks of what she could only assume was more linen to be washed.

“I hope you’re planning on helping me with that,” she said wearily, then pointed at the basket of other unwashed linens. “Add it to the pile.”

“We can help, we have time before we head back out,” Pepha offered, looking to the other two.

“Unfortunately, I already promised my wife I’d help her pad the bottom of our shelter some more before we have another shift,” Vabihn said with an apologetic smile.

Mezhimar just dropped on the bench next to her. “It’s this or listen to Vabihn and his wife argue, which for them is basically foreplay. I’m in the shelter next to theirs.”

Iryana laughed. She hadn’t had much time to talk with them after defeating the nemak, she hadn’t had much time for anything relaxing. The soldiers had mostly kept to their camp on the edge of Dovaki Valley, comprised of a few of the villagers’ abandoned houses and a sea of makeshift shelters.

Teshya took Anara inside once she saw the soldiers sitting, and Iryana gritted her teeth but kept her mouth shut. Edvar followed shortly after, but Darsha just watched them nervously.