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She let herself have it. A moment that might be their last goodbye.

She lost herself to it.

“Iryana!”

She jerked away from him with a gasp.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“What are you doing?” Kladara shrieked from the end of the hallway, eyes wide with horror.

“Wait,” Iryana breathed, trying to gain control of the situation. “I can explain. It’s just—”

Tonhald and Levek rounded the corner. “What happened?”

Iryana took a step away from Pyetar. “Nothing.” She tried to beg silence from Kladara.

Of course, Kladara didn’t obey. “They were kissing. Really kissing.”

Others joined them. She saw Hadima, her aunts, Uncle Dinhal… Iryana’s face turned red, and she froze. She didn’t know what to do. Her family’s disapproval hung over her like an axe. She looked to Pyetar, but he only looked back at her apologetically, everything else hidden behind his mask. Then the First was cutting her way through the clan and walking straight toward them.

“Everyone back to the hall,” she ordered the crowd, still growing behind her. Then she turned to Pyetar. “It’s time for you to leave.”

He looked at Iryana, hesitating, but when she nodded, heart racing, he headed for the side door and his pile of gear. He didn’t look back.

“You, in here.” The First pulled Iryana back into the study, slamming the door shut behind them.

Just like she had when she was a child about to be scolded, Iryana sank into her usual chair.

“I’m sorry—”

The First whirled on her. “I had my suspicions, but I figured if you had the good sense to keep it from the clan. I could look the other way, but now...”

Iryana shrank in her seat.

“Do you have any idea what this is going to do?” the First demanded, face tight with exhaustion as she tried to massage her temples.

“He’s a good man,” Iryana croaked.

“It doesn’t matter.” The First softened, just a bit. “Another time we could have tried to figure out how to make it work. But now? It’s a complication we can’t afford.”

Iryana looked down at her grandmother’s hands, fisted in her skirts.

Vesima sighed. “The clan doesn’t trust the military, especially him. Pyetar has been the monster in the shadows for years. How are they supposed to trust your decisions if they think General Horvol is influencing you? They will doubt everything, and right now we need to be strong. United. They need to know you’re on their side.”

Iryana tried to swallow her nausea. “I know.”

“This is what it means to be a leader, Iryana.” A hint of grief tightened her grandmother’s voice. “Our hearts, our wants… sometimes we have to put them aside in order to do what’s best for our people. They come first. You’re Third of this clan, and you have to choose them.”

A weight dropped into her stomach.

“I know this is going to be hard for you, but I need to know you understand.” Vesima leaned over the desk, hands still curled tightly.

Iryana was breathing so hard her chest heaved. She didn’t want to agree, but what else could she do?

“I do.” And her heart ripped into a thousand pieces. “The clan will always come first.”

The First finally relaxed. “Good.”