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Even knowing what she did now, Iryana didn’t truly understand the gods’ war. Their motivations and worries seemed so detached from her own life and struggles. Her clan was just trying to survive, to protect as many as they could. How could she worry about the fate of Istri when her heart could only see the people in front of her and how much they suffered?

She had to accept that these great forces would do what they wanted, and they couldn’t truly see the plight of the small people beneath them. She just had to help her people survive.

“If the dragon is Mhakiza’s, I don’t think it’s going to be a threat to us,” Iryana said.

“The dakii are, though,” Pyetar pointed out.

“Yes but… Thelbiz doesn’t really care if they eat a bunch of us. I think Mhakiza would care if her creatures ate us.”

“That’s a good point. But their control is likely still limited.”

“Perhaps we need to stop wasting time on ballistae. And stop mounting the spikes.” She leaned closer into his side as the wind gusts strengthened. “We need to fortify what we can, get as many out of the valley as possible.”

“Yes, and cut back on the scouting patrols. We know what they’re doing now. Is there any point to tracking them?”

“I don’t want anyone to be isolated. What if someone is overrun? Needs medical supplies?” She was practically shouting to be heard over the roar of the wind.

She felt Pyetar nod.

“Will you…” Iryana hesitated. “Will you come to the Dovaki Post with me, to talk to my grandmother?”

He grimaced. “I don’t think that would be… helpful. Your clan hates me.”

“My sisters don’t.” She sighed. “Besides, they all need to get over it. If you can win them over, even a little, it might help how they feel about the rest of the soldiers too.”

He was still and quiet for a long moment. “What if we just told them? About us.”

Iryana stiffened. “What? We can’t.”

“What if we only have a couple of months left? With everything about to happen, it would be the least of their worries.” He stared at her, eyes almost pleading, as her heart pounded. “Don’t you want to be together?”

“Of course I do, but…” Iryana looked back down. “I can’t sacrifice my clan’s safety for my own happiness.”

“They’ll get over it,” Pyetar argued weakly. “I can only fight for you if you let me.”

She thought of her grandmother’s words. The wisdom of the First. And she imagined what her clan would say if they found out. Iryana shook her head.

“My clan needs to stand united now. I can’t risk them losing their faith in me. Our survival is the most important thing. And you have to help us hold the alliance.”

Iryana brought her knees to her chest and held them tight. The wind and snow roared behind them.

He was quiet. When she finally looked back over, his jaw was clenched tight.

“Are you… upset with me?” she asked.

“No. I respect how much you care for your clan. Your willingness to sacrifice for them is admirable, but I don’t want you to. I want you to fight for me just as hard as you fight for them, even if it clashes with your duty. Even if it’s selfish.” His voice was pained.

“I’m Third.”

“I know. I promise, I do. You’re all I have, Iri,” he said softly. “Don’t pity me for it, just understand that the way you feel about your clan—what you are willing to do for them—that’s how I feel about you.”

“I’m sorry, Pyetar.” She curled into his side.

She wanted to be frustrated that he was pushing her after they’d already agreed they couldn’t really be together until their people would accept it. But it felt like she was failing him. Like he would have been better off not giving her his heart at all.

“It’s alright.”

“It’s not,” she whispered, almost too quiet to be heard over the whipping winds.