Page 74
The sound of the tent zipper pulls me from my thoughts. “Bout time. I thought maybe you fell asleep in there.” I tease as I turn toward her.
And holy shit, the sight of her makes me want to toss the food straight off the side of the mountain, shove her back into the tent, and fuck her until neither of us remembers our own damn names. She’s changed out of her clothes, but instead of putting on something of hers, she’s rummaged through my bag and pulled on one of my shirts. She’s practically swimming in it. The hem falls almost to her knees, and she’s only bothered with a few of the buttons, leaving enough open at the top for me to catch a glimpse of her bare breasts beneath it. As she starts walking toward me, the bottom shifts around her thighs, flashing the tiny strip of panties between her legs before falling closed again. Her nipples brush against the thin fabric with every step, and fuck me if she doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing. This woman is going to kill me, and my cock pulses in my jeans like it’s already six steps ahead.
I’m not a good man. When I planned this trip, I fully intended to have her on this cliffside. I had a pretty clear picture in my head of taking her out here in the open air and listening to her moans carry over the valley while I did unspeakable things to her body.
But that wasn’t the only reason I brought her here. What I really wanted was to share something I love with her. I could already see her pulling out her camera every five minutes, taking dozens of pictures and stopping whenever something new caught her eye. Mostly, I knew she’d appreciate this place the same way I do.
Maybe that’s why tonight suddenly feels more important than I planned. “Well, fuck me, Sunshine. I was trying to be a gentleman long enough to feed you first.”
She laughs as she closes in on me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “You’re anything but a gentleman, Chace Walker.”
My name on her lips will never stop doing bizarre things to my insides. I lean down and press a quick kiss to her mouth before wrapping my arms around her, squeezing her ass as I pull her against me. “Let’s eat. The sun’s setting.”
She turns then, noticing the setup for the first time. Her whole face lights up as she takes in the view, the blanket, the food, and the little bottle of sparkling cider I grabbed from the gas station on the way here. And in that moment, I realize that look right there was the whole damn point. Not the sex. Not even the view. Just this right here.
Once we’re seated and digging into the spread, she glances over at me with an expression I can’t quite figure out. “I had no idea you could be so romantic.”
Is that what this is? Romantic? I don’t know about that. I just wanted to see her beautiful smile and be the reason behind it.
There’s something vulnerable in her eyes that makes me think of the journal entry I read, twelve-year-old Addie drawing hearts around my name. Guilt twists through me again at the memory of reading something so private, even if those thoughts belonged to a girl she hasn’t been in years. “Maybe you can update your journal to Chace Walker equals Sex God with little hearts around it.” I grin over at her. “Make them pink. You know how much I love pink things.”
Her mouth drops open in momentary shock as she slaps my chest. “You asshole!” She does her best to pretend she’s offended. “You read my journals?”
“There are journals? As in plural?” I tease. “Interesting development. I’m the star, no doubt. Chace fucked me so good last night I don’t think I can ever be with another man. Ever! He is my whole reason for breathing now.” I laugh as I pull her closer. “Now that’s an entry.” I catch her chin between my fingers and tilt her face toward mine. “In fact, I demand you update the record immediately.”
“I can’t believe you! In your dreams, Walker!” She pretends to shove me off her, but it’s a half-hearted attempt. I pull her onto my lap, and she instinctively wraps her legs around me.
With the setting sun glowing against her skin and that spark still in her eyes, I can’t seem to stop myself from whispering, “Yeah. So what if it is?”
The evening feels impossibly still as we hold each other’s gaze, the implication of what I just admitted hanging between us. Her palm slides softly over my cheek while I grip her tighter, neither of us wanting to be the first to look away.
“You’re not who I thought you were,” she finally admits.
Something tightens in my chest, and suddenly I need her to stop looking at me like she can see every damn thing I’ve been trying so hard to keep hidden. I give her my best grin, finally breaking eye contact. “Yeah, well.” I squeeze her ass. “I’m always better naked.”
She doesn't laugh like I thought she would; instead, she brings my face back towards her. “Don’t do that, Chace.”
“Don’t do what? Get naked?” I shift below her so she can feel my erection against her center. “I thought you liked this?”
“You know exactly what.” She grips my chin harder. “Don’t deflect. Not with me.”
Her gaze bores into me, and I’ve never felt more naked in my life. Which is saying something, considering I still have pants on. How does this woman, who I’ve spent a considerable amount of time trying not to feel anything for, have the ability to see parts of me I didn’t even have names for? I don’t deserve her. I sure as hell don’t deserve the way she’s looking at me right now. Once she knows everything, once she sees the parts of me I’ve spent years making damn sure no one looks too closely at, she’ll run. That’s what people do when they see the real me. They leave.
She told me not to deflect. Fine. “Addie, I’m broke.”
She blinks at me, then lets out a startled laugh. “Yeah? Join the club. What does that have to do with anything?” Her expression turns serious again. “Do you actually think I care how much money you have?”
A long breath escapes past my lips. “Addie, I’ve been living out of my truck for the last six months. I park it in the back of The Rusty Spur’s lot most nights, or camp out when the weather is right.” I hang my head in defeat. “I’m homeless, broke, and have absolutely no idea where my life is going. You have goals, dreams, a future. I have absolutely nothing to offer you besides being a burden.”
Holding my next breath, I brace myself for the fallout. But it doesn’t come. Instead, she says, “I don’t understand. I thought you lived at your Nana’s old place?”
Unable to make myself look at Addie, I stare out over the valley, rubbing my palm against the back of my neck. “When Nana’s health started getting worse, we finally had to admit she needed more care than I could give her. So we moved her into the facility.”
Even saying it out loud makes my stomach twist. I drop my hand and pick at the edge of the blanket, still not ready to look at her. “Then my shoulder happened, and I couldn’t get cleared to go back on the circuit. I didn’t have any savings because I spent years acting like the money would never stop coming. I made good money riding, Addie, and I blew damn near all of it on booze, women, and whatever sounded fun at the time, because I was young and stupid and figured I’d always make more.”
I finally force myself to meet her eyes, my jaw tightening as I keep going. “I sold the house to pay for Nana’s care. That money covered us for a while, but places like that aren’t fucking cheap. Eli gives me work when he can, and I pick up whatever else I can find. But none of it is enough to keep up with what she needs. That’s how I ended up with Cole. I tried getting back on the circuit, but they still won’t clear me. The underground rides pay big cash outs, and Cole has the money to front the costs. I know that makes me a horrible, selfish person, but I need what I make from it to be able to keep Nana where she is.”
There. It’s out. Every ugly fucking piece of it laid between us where she can finally see exactly what I’ve been trying so hard to hide. I’m broke. I don’t have a real home anymore. I don’t have a career. And half the time I don’t know what I’m doing. This is when she decides I’m only good for a quick fuck. When she realizes everything she thought about me is true.
