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Before I can decipher the look, Lola yelps and smashes the laptop closed.

“Oh my God! I totally forgot—you promised us the goss!” She wiggles on the bed, making room for me, and then peers at Sienna. “How was the party?”

Bottom lip caught between her teeth, the blonde rolls her shoulders back. She tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear, her eyes full of excitement and a little smugness.

My heart clenches in my chest, as if it expects the worst.

“The party was amazing. Everybody was there, but it was chill. No fights, no scandals,” she says, wearing a sly smile.

Lola groans. “Get to the good stuff already. I’m bored! What happened after I went home?”

“Fine, fine.” Sienna laughs. “After most of the crowd cleared out, we played Truth or Dare.” Her gaze homes in on me, the sudden predatory look sending a chill down my spine. “Asher dared me to kiss the guy I have a crush on, and I kissed Michael.”

A sharp pain strikes my chest. I’m vacillating between disbelief and hurt, my brain refusing to let her words sink in. I want to be alone. I want to be away from this house, these people. I dig my nails into my thigh, welcoming the sting. I’m sure it’ll bruise, but I don’t care.

Lola yells and launches herself at Sienna, but I can’t make out a word she’s saying. I don’t cry. I don’t show a single emotion, thanks to how often I’ve had to smile through pain over the years.

And this pain is as physical as any injury on the ice. Though, after a moment, coldness seeps in, and my body goes numb.

“How was it?” Lola asks as she moves away from Sienna. “That was your first kiss, right?”

“You should’ve heard the way everybody was cheering us on. I had no idea so many people wanted us to end up together.” She presses her hands to her pink cheeks, as if cooling the heat rising there. “As for the kiss, it was good. Just a little peck on the lips.”

The knots in my stomach loosen a little, and I press my hand flat to my thigh. Okay, that’s not such a big deal? He has a reputation to maintain. Maybe that’s why he didn’t say⁠—

“But we snuck outside later, and he kissed me again. Like, actually kissed me. He wasn’t gross about it or anything. It was nice.”

She smiles brightly while I feel like the blade of a skate has just cut through my skin and pierced my heart.

“No,” she corrects, “it was perfect.”

My mind spins. Did he really do that?

I can’t ask Michael. I just…can’t. He’d read every emotion on my face. He’d see how crushed I am, how stupidly hopeful I’d been about our pact. I’m not ready for that.

But what hurts more is that he didn’t tell me about the dare, even if the kiss afterward didn’t actually happen. We promised to be honest, yet he hasn’t mentioned a thing.

I could ask Cade about the party, ask if he saw what happened during Truth or Dare or afterward.

But why would Sienna lie? What would she gain from it? She’s liked Michael for ages, and she knows he and I are close. Maybe, in some strange, roundabout way, she’s trying to figure out whether he’s talked to me about her. If that’s the case, she’s going to be very disappointed, because he hasn’t said a word.

Unless he kept it to himself because of our pact. It was supposed to be special, and now, it can’t be.

My stomach twists. I don’t know what hurts more: the kiss itself, or the fact that he didn’t tell me.

“Aww, I’m so happy for you.” Lola hugs Sienna again. “You’ve been crushing on that boy for years, and to have your first kiss with him? It’s, like, straight from a movie.” She turns to me. “Right, Isla?”

I soften my expression, somehow donning a smile. “Right. He’s a great guy.”

“You’ve known him for so long.” Sienna smiles, seeming to buy my act. “Do you think it was his first kiss too?”

The painful stomach twisting is back. I clear my throat. “I don’t know. We’re close, yeah, but there are some things he doesn’t talk to me about.” I lean in and hug her briefly, holding my breath so I won’t catch the scent of caramel. “But honestly, I’m happy for you. If he kissed you twice, I’m sure he really wanted it.”

“Thank you so, so much,” she gushes. “You have no idea how much it means to me that you see that.”

“Of course.” I settle back, my hand brushing my phone. A sense of betrayal I’ve never known grows in my chest at lightning speed. It’s not fair. It’s not rational. This isn’t something I should hold against him. Or Sienna. We never made a promise we wouldn’t kiss other people, even if I thought that was the underlying message.

With every breath, hurt swamps me even more.