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“You’re okay, Layla. I don’t know how else to put it. You being here and being okay is more than I can hope for. I don’t think I deserve the credit of being labeled your ‘hero,’ because I didn’t save you. You saved yourself. All I did was try my hand at playing executioner.”
To be honest…I was worse before you did that. I wasn’t really okay. I would go to therapy, and I would smile, and I would be tough because that’s what made people feel more comfortable. I wasn’t good to myself. I barely ate. I barely looked in a mirror or took care of myself. I was scared of everything.
I can’t say it. What would he think of me? Right now, he thinks I’m amazing and strong…and I want that.
“I haven’t seen that face yet.” He tilts his head, and I realize my horrible thoughts must have made me look just as unsavory.
“Sorry.”
“Not gonna tell me?” I shake my head, but he doesn’t push. “That’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to tell anyone shit. You know that?”
I smile, giving one curt nod. “Thank you.”
“You should go.”
What?
“Go? But we’re…” Not doing anything, Layla. I promised myself to act cooler and less needy but I’m not good at it.
He sighs again, looking down at me with a conflicted expression. He steps back and leans against the kitchen island. It’s hard not to watch his hard, built body flex whenever he moves. “I don’t have the balls to tell you to get lost, sweetheart. Whether it’s because I don’t know if you’ll out me, or because I’d feel fuckin’ guilty, or both. You’ve accomplished whatever it is you’ve been doing either way. Happy now?”
I perk up instantly, my downcast expression immediately leaving my face. “Really?”
“This doesn’t mean more than that, got it? Don’t go thinking up any crazy ideas because I said that. I’m not even sure what to do about the whole idea that you’ve somehow found me and…God knows who else may have, too.”
“What? No! I mean I know I told my best friend and I’m sorry, but I really had no choice. She would never tell a soul. And I swear in all the true crime groups I’m in that follow you that no one has any idea. I mean, no one has posted any,” I assure him. Does he really think I would put him in danger?
“Do I even wanna ask about these ‘groups?’”
“Well…maybe I can show you next time you come over.”
Ha. Perfect. It’s casual…not too pushy.
“You might have to. I need to be sure of what you’ve been posting, too.”
“I’ll show you anything! I swear at first I wanted more help finding you…but once I realized I didn’t want anyone else to, I deleted anything that might help anyone else. I promise. I’ll delete all my accounts if you want.”
Okay, relax. Too late to take it back now.
“Let’s just wait to talk about it.” I nod, and we stand there quietly for a moment. It isn’t awkward, but I don’t know what to say.
Well, I do know what I want to say. But I can’t make myself form the words. Just say it, Layla! “Can I stay? Um—I mean just a little longer maybe?” I don’t want to lose this moment with him. I feel like we’ve finally gotten over this hump and if I don’t keep moving, we might slide backward again.
“What do you want, Layla? Because there’s nothing to do here.”
I want you. I want to feel your breath against me again, smell your familiar manly scent as you come way too close, and have you feel how badly I mean that I want you. I want to show you just how much everything you say and do for me makes me feel like a brand-new woman and not some little girl who can’t handle anything. How can I even pretend that I don’t want to jump him after everything he just said to me?
“I just—” You know what? Fuck it! “To be honest, I originally came for a redo.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Fucking Vixen
KANE
I don’t understand this woman. She’s so quick with her emotions and lets them fly all over the place the moment she feels them.
I know exactly what she’s asking for. Maybe she really does feel like she ruined something because we didn’t have sex, or that it’s why I’m hesitant with her. But fuck if I’m not just constantly using all my self-control to keep myself from overwhelming her with the desire she causes in me.
