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“Not sure.” Powers shrugs.

“They’re out back,” Midas says as he passes. “Havoc didn’t want them jumping on you the second you walked in the door. He wants this dealt with first.”

I don’t know why his words feel so abrasive against my skin, but they do. As a general rule, women aren’t allowed in church, though exceptions are sometimes made. Like with me now, for instance. I guess needing a friend for moral support never crossed any of their minds, and I’m not about to make myself look weak by asking for one.

We take the same seats as before, only this time Powers moves his chair until it’s touching mine. When we sit, his leg presses against mine, offering me a comforting presence.

Once everyone settles down, Havoc looks over at me. “I know it’s been a shitty day, and if I thought we had more time, I’d let you rest more. But I can’t shake the feeling this was just the beginning, and things are about to get a fuck of a lot worse before they get better.”

“So we might lose more brothers because of this?” Probe asks.

“The fucker placed a bomb in a car outside the high school. What the fuck do you think?”

“Do we even know it was him for sure?”

“It was him,” Powers states. The absolute snap in his tone makes me look up at him.

“Oh yeah, and how—” Before Probe can finish, Powers yanks something from his pocket and slams it on the scarred wooden table.

Havoc picks it up before I can read it, but I don’t need to. I recognize the handwriting. My stomach plummets like I’ve swallowed stones, which is stupid. I knew it was him. Of course, I did. But I guess having it confirmed snuffs out the last ember of hope.

Havoc’s jaw tenses as he reads before his eyes come to mine.

“What does it say?” Toot questions as I swallow and force myself not to wilt under his gaze.

“It says you’ve had your fun. It’s time to come home.”

“This guy is off his fucking rocker,” Crane grunts.

“Tell us something we don’t know.” Mack sighs. “So what now?”

I turn to look at him. “Now you call in your allies, and you prepare for the worst. Because he won’t stop until he has me.”

Probe grits his teeth. “We got kids here. More women than just you⁠—”

Powers snarls, but I tilt my head. “You think I should just go back? Sacrifice myself to the monster for the greater good, huh?”

“Like fuck!” Kruger spits.

“You motherfucker,” Powers roars and attempts to get up and launch himself at Probe. But I dig my nails into his leg hard, forcing him to stop.

“I would, you know,” I say softly, making the room fall silent. “I’d give myself to him in a heartbeat if it would keep any one of you safe. Or if it would bring Capone back.”

Circus flinches but says nothing.

“It wouldn’t save you, though. He’d take you all out and raze this place to the ground just to punish me. When I ran, I truly thought he’d follow me and you guys would be forgotten. I didn’t mean to hide so well. Old habits die hard, I guess. It became easier to live off the grid than to hide inside it, where he could find me easily. Hell, the only reason I went into the city in the first place was to grab tampons. And we all know how that turned out.

“I didn’t know he made you guys try to find me or made you suffer in hopes of drawing me out. He must have thought I was checking in, but I couldn’t hear your voices and not want to come back. It would have killed me.”

I lace my fingers together and take a shuddering breath. “So you can send me back, Probe. Back to a man who won’t lay a hand on me but who will make me watch as he systematically and methodically takes out every single person I’ve ever cared for until there is nothing left of me but a shell of a woman I could have been. And that would be fair, right? I brought this all on myself. But does your death, and his and his—” I point around the table to his brothers before continuing. “Does it make it worth it? Will you look down on me and feel smug, feeling like I paid my fucking dues? Tell me, Probe, will it be enough then?”

He opens his mouth to reply, but I lean forward and glare at him. “Maybe you could loan me your gun, and I could blow my head off. Decorate this room with my sins, and you can be the one who lives with the knowledge that his next victims are on you. Because if he doesn’t have me to chase, he’ll find someone else to torment, and the cycle will start all over again. Will that be enough? God knows I’ve thought about it over the years. If I could have spared the ones I loved by ending my life, I’d have done it without a second of regret. But I’m where I am because Lilian faked her death. Now I get to spend the rest of my days wearing her face, answering to her name, and hiding from her husband so I can spare the next girl the same fate.”

My chest is heaving by the time I’m done, but Probe does look a little contrite. I’m not sure it’s enough, though. Why can’t he just fucking ignore me like everyone else who’s mad at me?

Powers gets to his feet and takes my hand. I look up at him and see fire in his eyes. “So fucking quick to judge. Nobody said dick to you when Tink was taken on your watch because the outcome bought us Citi. But what if she’d died? I mean, it’s not like you got hurt protecting her. You got taken out for not paying attention to your surroundings⁠—”

Probe jumps to his feet. “You don’t know shit, you fucker. You’re barely a day out of prospecting.”