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“We shouldn’t have done what?”
His voice was quiet. Too quiet. I looked at him.
“This. Us. This was…” I waved helplessly between us. “Saadiq, what if this was a mistake?”
He stared at me. I had seen Saadiq Masters look a dozen ways. I’d seen him furious, arrogant, amused, irritated, demanding, flirtatious. I’d never seen him look quite like this, though.
“Okay.”
My eyes snapped to him. One chilly little word, that was all he gave me. That scared me. I had to fix it, wanted to explain.
“Saadiq, I don’t mean—”
“Nah. You good.”
He stepped farther away, straightened his pants, tucking away the semi-hard dick that had just shattered me. The loss of his warmth made me feel strangely cold. He kept fixing his clothes, all composed calm, and suddenly I needed him to understand something even though I didn’t completely understand myself.
“I didn’t lie about wanting it,” I said softly.
His hands stopped for a second. Then he continued. “So, what’s the problem, Topaz?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Saadiq, I found Adam with somebody else Saturday. He accused me of basically cheating with you our entire relationship, and two days later, I’m spread out on your desk, getting—” I stopped.
For a minute, his expression was hard, but even that disappeared as he yanked on his undershirt. “What? Tell me, Paz. Getting what? Fucked better than that nigga ever did?”
A shocked gasp tumbled past my lips. “Saadiq!”
“Fuck that. You admitting that this is about that nigga.”
“No!” I denied.
He laughed softly as he shrugged, the clink of his belt a soft, hollow accompaniment. “Sound like it.”
“It’s about you deserving more than being a rebound, Saadiq. It’s about me!”
My voice rose. That finally stopped him from re-dressing. I swallowed.
“It’s about me,” I repeated more quietly. “The last fifteen months, I told Adam and myself that he was wrong anytime he complained about how much of my life revolved around Masters Capital and... and around you. I had boundaries, control. Then the second my relationship ends, I do this.”
His jaw tightened. “With me.”
I sighed. “Yeah, with you, but that’s not what I meant, not like that.”
“That’s what you said, though.” His voice was cold, an accusation.
“Saadiq.”
He gave a humorless little laugh and looked away from me. “I asked you. I made sure.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“Hell, you kissed me, Topaz.”
“I know.”
Silence fell between us. I hated it because despite his coldness, I knew that I had hurt him. I wanted to hug him, be close to him, at the same time that I knew I needed to put space between us.
“I wanted you, Saadiq. I am not denying or backing off that,” I admitted.
