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I headed home to shower and prepare for dinner with my family. Being at Nikki’s today was my final goodbye to her, and I didn’t realize how much I needed it. The heaviness I was feeling was gone, and my mind was clear and ready for whatever tonight had to bring. It was a little after six, and Kyenna had sent a text.
Ky: Where are you?
Me: About to hop on the cart and pull around.
Kyenna and Jaharee were both pulling up at the same time as me. The first thing she did was look at both of us. When Jaharee turned her back to walk in front of us, I slapped Kyenna on the ass. My mama was helping the chef take food to the table. Family dinners used to be loud as hell. Rah would dominate half the conversation without trying. Jaharee would argue with him about any little thing. Since Rah died, dinners had gotten quieter. His empty chair had stopped feeling like something everybody was avoiding looking at. Tonight, I was noticing everything. It probably had something to do with what I was about to say.
My Pops blessed the food, and everybody fixed their plates. For the first ten minutes, dinner was normal. Jaharee talked about some issues she was having with a vendor. I ate and waited. Sitting across from Kyenna was intentional. Had I sat next to her, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off her. She looked at me twice. The second time, I knew she was telling me to go ahead. I cleared my throat. Jaharee immediately looked at me.
“Why you clearing your throat like you finna make an announcement?”
“Because I am. Now mind yo’ business.”
My mama stopped cutting her chicken, and my Pops looked up.
Jaharee smiled. “I knew it.”
“Can I speak before you start?”
“I ain’t said nothing,” Jaharee said.
“Me and Kyenna been seeing each other,” I said.
The whole table was silent. It was like everyone was trying to see who was going to speak first.
“I fucking knew it.”
“Watch your mouth at my table,” my mama said.
Pops looked between Kyenna and me.
“A little while now,” Kyenna answered.
“So, months,” Jaharee added.
“Do you want to tell the story?” Kyenna asked, looking at Jaharee.
“No, I just want accurate information, heifer.”
“This is why I didn’t tell you first.”
My mama still hadn't said anything. That was the only person at the table I was watching. Kyenna noticed too. She put her fork down.
“Ms. Lorraine, I want you to say whatever you need to say. I don’t want this sitting weird between us,” Kyenna told her.
“I’m trying to figure out what I need to say,” my mama responded.
“That’s fair.”
“Did you love my son?”
“I did,” she said. “I always will.”
My mama nodded slowly and then turned her head towards me. “And you loved your brother?”
“I still do.”
“Then I need both of y’all to understand why this is strange for me before you think I’m judging you.”
