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“Come on, Tessa. It won’t be an all the time thing. Sam would be stoked he gets to skip school to spend the day at the beach jumping into the waves.” He brings the dark blue ceramic to his lips, taking a long drag of his coffee.
“I can’t afford to miss work, Hawk. I have bills, bills that I can barely afford when I work all my scheduled days let alone when I miss because someone wants to go to the beach.”
He puts his mug down and takes a step towards me. He pulls the cup from my grip and sets it next to his. As soon as his hands land on my hips, he’s dragging my body to his, and he doesn’t stop until my chest is flush with his. His fingers bite into the flesh of my hips, and it hurts so good.
“Tessa,” his tone is like a warning, “it’s not a big deal, and I’m not just anyone.” He searches my face. “I want to spend the day with my woman and her son. What’s the harm in that?”
His woman…
I relent, and when my body relaxes I know, he knows that he’s won. “Fine. I’ll call Martha.”
His face breaks out into a huge smile. “Good, you do that, and I’ll go wake Sam up.” He taps my ass and heads out to wake up my son.
Hawk
We spend all day at the beach, playing in the water and tossing a football around. Sam has a nice arm. Something that I might want to discuss with Tessa. I’m sure there’s a club or team or something that Sam can join at his age.
Tessa still doesn’t know how to navigate around our relationship when it comes to Sam. I’m at their house as much as I can be, but I understand where she’s coming from. Her first priority is to protect Sam. She doesn’t want to send him mixed signals. But to me, there’s not mixing anything. She’s mine. I told her that this morning, and there’s no discussing it any further. She didn’t disagree, so as far as I’m concerned, the issue is closed.
I’ve had enough of the whole hands-off rule and break it with one swift grab of her body and a deep kiss on her lips. Sam laughs when I finally release Tessa. She stands there with her eyes as wide as saucers and her mouth opening and closing like she’s trying to catch flies.
“Did you know that the Santa Monica Pier was created to help get rid of poop?” Sam states as he licks his ice cream cone.
“You’re joking,” I tell him as Tessa and I walk hand in hand next to him.
“Nope.” He shakes his head from side to side making his brown hair swish around.
I’m not gonna lie and tell you that how he came to be doesn’t filter through my mind at least once a day, but it’s a fact. I only hope that he never finds out the truth. There’s no reason why this little boy needs to suffer any more on top of what life is gonna throw at him.
“It’s true. Look it up,” he says right before he takes a bite out of his cone. “Mom,” he calls for Tessa with a full mouth. “I’m done.”
We stop walking. “All right, go throw it away and come right back here.”
He nods before he takes off through the small crowd of people, towards the metal barrel that’s lined with a clear plastic bag. A loud bark of laughter pulls my eyes from Sam over to a group of five guys who are leaning over the wooden side of the pier. All five of them are decked out in leather cuts. The emblem on the back isn’t one that I’ve seen before, but that doesn’t mean anything since I’m not in New Mexico. They whistle and catcall at whoever is down below on the sand. I move so that I’m in between her and them. I know she’s been too afraid to venture out in a large populated area with Sam, and I know that she keeps to herself and the small part of town that she and Sam live in. This is a massive step for her. She’s facing the demons of her past without her even knowing.
The wind kicks up and makes Tessa’s brown locks dance around her head. She laughs as she tries to tame the curly mess that frames her face. “Thank you for today, Hawk.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I’m proud of you, you know that?”
Her eyebrows draw together in confusion. “Why are you proud of me?”
I take a step closer to her and brush my thumb over the apple of her cheek. “I know spending the day on the beach is out of your comfort zone. I’m honored that you trust me enough.”
She brings her hand up and grasps my arm. “I’ve always trusted you, that’s never been an issue. Even after everything.”
She doesn’t allow herself to finish, but she doesn’t need to. I know what she’s thinking. “Well, I know it’s hard on you. I know you’ve kept him close for a reason and I’m glad that I was here when he got to experience everything for the first time.”
She smiles as she brushes the hair out of her face and looks over my shoulder in the direction where Sam went. Her face drains of all color, “Where’s Sam?”
I look over my shoulder, but I don’t see him. “Sam,” I call out. I raise my voice a little higher, “Sam!” Tessa’s nails dig into my arm, but she’s frozen in one spot. “Hey,” I pull my attention back to her. I rub my hand over her head. “It’s gonna be okay.” Her eyes are frantic. “Tessa,” I say her name, so she’ll bring her eyes back to mine, but it doesn’t work. She’s zoning out. “Fuck,” I grunt.
I turn towards the crowd and scan the area. People are laughing and jumping around–they don’t notice my panic. The whoosh of the blood in my ears drowns out the carnival music. I feel light headed like I’m standing outside of my body watching this unfold. I don’t see him. I don’t fucking see him. I take steps towards the barrel, pushing people out of my way.
“Sam!” I call out again. “Samuel!” I use his full name hoping that he’ll know to answer. As soon as I hit the barrel and turn back around and look from where I just came from. Tessa is standing there, tears rolling down her cheeks as she slowly shakes her head.
I spin around again, and that’s when I hear it. My name being called. “Hawk!” When I look towards my left, I see Sam, squatting down next to a gentleman who has a puppy on a leash. The tan fluff ball jumps up, licking Sam’s face as Sam laughs.
“Isn’t he cute?” he shouts again, as he rubs the puppy’s head. The excitement in his voice does nothing to set my nerves back.
