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And I mean that, even though doing what’s best for her is going to shred my heart.

“I try,” she says. “It’s just not always easy.”

“You need to sign the New Zealand deal and live your best life.”

“The good thing is that if I take Sammy’s project, I can walk away from the one with Shandy and Jake.”

“See? Bonus. But seriously, if Reid and Nolan don’t like it, that’s on them. You work so hard and this is one of your rewards. Think of the adventure.”

“You really think so?”

“I do.”

No, I really don’t.

I hate everything about the idea of New Zealand.

“But…what about us?” Her voice is a whisper now.

“As much as I like you, I’m not going to be what you need. Not long-term. I think Shandy ruined me for marriage and babies and all that. You’ll be so much happier with a guy who isn’t broken like I am.”

“What?” She sounds so confused and hurt, but I’ve started ripping the bandage off, so I might as well keep going.

“The situation with Shandy, the two of you working together, that opened up a lot of old wounds. And though I didn’t have any idea she would be listening to us have sex, I definitely wanted to rub my new girlfriend in her face. That’s not fair to you. And I think this is fate or something, letting us know the relationship has run its course.”

She’s quiet for so long I’m afraid she may have hung up.

But then she says, “So it was all just a good time?”

God, no, baby.

I’m so fucking in love with you I should win an Oscar for the performance I’m putting on.

“If you’re asking if it was just sex, of course not. We get along great, we had fun. You’re an incredible woman. I’m just not in a position to settle down, and honestly, neither are you. You need the freedom to fly free, and I can’t ask you to clip your wings when I may never be ready to get married again.”

I’d fucking marry you tomorrow, baby.

I’m so sorry.

But this is for you.

I’d never forgive myself if she gave up the opportunity in New Zealand for me. Because of me. As much as I love her, that’s not fair. That would be like her asking me to leave the NHL and follow her to New Zealand. I’d resent the hell out of her, no matter how rich we got.

No, this is the best move.

And it’s because I love her more than I care about myself.

“But…” Her voice is tiny and I hate the hurt, the pain, I hear.

“I didn’t mean to lead you on,” I continue. “But the whole thing with Shandy…it made me realize I may not be as over her as I thought I was.”

Okay, that’s the most fucked-up thing I’ve ever said.

And I hear her sharp intake of breath.

I’ve just struck the final nail in the coffin of our relationship.

I fucking hate myself right now.