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I don’t know if I’ll ever be free, not truly. Even with Atom—Cole. If I go back to Kansas with him, will I find that freedom I’ve searched for all my life? Or is it just a feeling of wanting to belong that I’m searching for? I’ve had so many dreams destroyed that it feels like I don’t even know my own mind anymore.

A grunt pulls my eyes to his forehead. The ridges call to me, and I smooth my fingers over them till they ease. I might not have cured the disturbing thought that he must be dreaming about, but I hope to have made it better.

As I pull my hand away, I find his eyes on me.

Eyes that I know are the color of storm clouds. Dark blue with a gray tint. Framed by perfect eyebrows and a strong pointed nose that doesn’t seem like it was ever broken despite his penchant for violence as a kid. A jawline dusted with hair, but never more than a day’s growth.

And those lips.

Full, pouty lips that beg to be kissed. Sampled. Played with.

For the first time in years, I don’t think. Just move.

I lean over and capture his mouth, exploring him for the first time despite this not being our first kiss. Except it’s the first one I started and one that he’s reciprocating.

This isn’t me throwing myself at my captor, begging him with my body to let me go.

This isn’t because I need to feel comfortable in his touch.

This is a woman seeking a man and nothing more.

I slide over his body easily and explore his parted lips. I taste him fully as I search out his hands and lace my fingers with his as I bring them above his head to hold while I take my time finding my rhythm.

There’s no fight for control, no domination games. This is me exploring him. Finding what I like. Seeking what I crave.

And him letting me do so without a word or denial.

I ease back, letting my lips move off him slowly as I release his hands and sit up.

A moment passes with him just looking at me. No pressure.

I can feel it. If I climbed off him right now and went back to sleep, he’d let me.

But I don’t want to do that.

I lift my shirt and toss it aside. I feel his eyes on me despite not seeing where he’s looking.

“You’re beautiful.” His words confirm he’s looking at me, and for the first time in a very long time, I feel myself blush. Just enough to remind myself that I’m human. That this is for me, not for someone else. That I have a say in this.

That this is a form of freedom as well.

He lowers his hands from above his head, slowly but steadily moving toward me. His fingers glide over my knees and up my thighs, pushing my sleep shorts higher, till he runs his hands over them and rests them on my hips.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, and I shake my head twice. “I’m yours, Natalie. For whatever you need, for however long you need it.”

I lean down and capture his lips once more, but this time I moan at the feel of hands squeezing my hips. Encouraging me to do anything I want to him.

I move away from his mouth to nibble on his jawline, biting as I go, and he raises his chin to give me more access.

“Touch me. Please, Cole.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice.

His hands move as one up to my breasts, squeezing and molding them in his palms before teasing my sensitive nipples. I whimper but don’t protest this torment from him.

He ducks his head and pushes me up enough to wrap his lips around my erect nipple before doing the same to the next one. Going back and forth, he pays attention to both equally.

I hold his head to me and let out soft cries, begging for more but not sure how to ask when this is already so much more than I expected.