Page 75
Then she became mine.
Her being gone isn’t something I can handle. I can deal with a lot, but not a place without her. It just won’t happen.
I don’t love Natalie.
I’m obsessed with her.
Every part, inside and out.
My day ends and begins with her and nothing else.
Some might call that love. I say it’s like breathing, a necessity for living.
What I feel for her is far more than love. It’s not as simple as that one word, or as neat and set. It’s consuming, fire and ice brewing, and light and darkness fighting. It’s that and everything else times ten.
Standing, I take two steps and move into her path, placing my hands on her shoulders to stop her from walking through me.
“I know you’re strong and capable. A fighter through and through. But there’s nothing we can do tonight. There’s no answer that will come if we think on it hard enough.”
“Okay, so what do you want to do? Give up?” She looks at me like I’m a moron, and I can’t help but love her even more for it. She cares so deeply, even if she doesn’t think she does. Even if she shouldn’t because of what this family has put her through.
I push her hair back behind her ear and look over her. I can’t stop looking at her.
“Not give up. Just rest.”
She pushes past me. “I can’t rest. If you need to sleep, then go ahead. No one is stopping you.”
“You need sleep just as much as I do.”
“I slept earlier. I’m fine.”
I shake my head. “No, you’re not. You’re running on steam from the adrenaline that’s still coursing through you from the fight.”
“The fight was yesterday.”
“Not that fight. The one you’re having with yourself about whether you should care what this family will end up like depending on what you decide.”
She stops moving, her body turned away from me.
“I should just let it burn. Burn it all down. None of them deserve an ounce of my loyalty. Not after…. None of my loyalty.”
I move up behind her, her head turning to show me her side profile. “I know.” I don’t know what she expects from me in this moment, and I don’t want to disappoint her or cause her any more pain than what she’s already been through for most of her life. But I can’t leave her alone.
I grab her hand and spin her slowly, pulling her gently to the bed. She lets me move her till she sits where I was. I leave her there as I go to the bathroom and grab a washcloth. Soaking it with water, I wring it out and return to find her right where I left her.
I lift her chin with a single finger and rub the cloth along her forehead and her cheeks, then down her nose and, when she closes her eyes, along her brow. I clean off the day she had and then grab the clothes she slept in earlier, setting them beside her.
“I’ll be out in a bit.” Then I go to the bathroom, shut the door, and pull out the phone I’ve carried this entire night with me. I still think it’s being monitored, but I’m convinced more than ever that it’s only for Natalie’s safety and has little to do with what I say to my brothers. Unless I start making plans to get her removed from his place, which I don’t think is an option anymore. Not after her grandfather dropped a bomb that neither of us saw coming.
“Mable’s.” This time it’s King who answers.
“You guys still running that two-for-one special?”
“For a repeat customer, we sure the hell are,” King jests as soon as he recognizes my voice. “How you doing?”
“Dandy. Nat’s family is happy we’re both here and wants us to stay for as long as we’re willing.”
King and I might have come up at the same time in the Hounds, but I’m not sure how long he’s been on phone duty. It’s a coveted spot to have, an honor really. We’re all taught what to say when we call in, but it’s the person on the other end who really takes on the double-talk training to make sure they report the right message. Not only to the club but to the person on the line. I got some training on taking the calls once I was elected club enforcer, but I don’t know how often the treasurer gets on the phone.
