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Heat rushes to my face. My mind flashes to the chamber and the awful awareness of being watched. The filthy acts I’ve performed that everybody saw.
“When you’re running things around here,” he continues, “you’ll need to assert yourself.”
I frown, trying to understand what he means.
“Why would I run things?”
His brow creases with genuine confusion.
“When you become Seraph, you sit next to the Sovereign in the Order hierarchy.” He pauses, as if choosing words a normal girl can handle. “Equal to Edwin. Somewhere between a queen and a goddess.”
My steps slow. Everything I thought I understood shifts into a new shape. Edwin never told me my role held weight. He framed it like my purpose was to obey. To help him win.
Not to rule.
“I didn’t know that,” I say softly.
I stare at Edwin, watching the way he moves like the world is already his.
Reese sighs and shakes his head.
“Selfish prick,” he mutters under his breath. “He probably hasn’t told you a lot of things.”
My first instinct is to defend Edwin. To smooth it over, as I always do. But I want to know more.
“Like what?”
“You’ll have to ask him.” He pats my shoulder like an older brother would. “You’re going to do well, Zaiya. Don’t let the pressure get to you.”
I nod, but I don’t feel strong. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of the bluff, staring down into my future, expected to jump right in.
As we walk, I try to imagine myself as a leader. Would I really have that much power? Just because the Order enjoyed watching me do all these sexual things?
The questions haunt me all the way to the cemetery’s edge. Rows of headstones stretch towards the church standing at the far end.
The Crotavere mausoleum looms in front of the tall corn with its giant white granite walls and carved archway, glowing faintly beneath the darkening sky.
“Mausoleum is base,” Marcus announces. “Zaiya, you ever played this before?”
I shake my head.
He explains quickly, hands moving like he can’t contain his energy.
“One ghost hides. The rest of us look. When you find him, you yell ‘ghost in the graveyard’ and run back to base. He has to tag you before you get there. If he tags you, you become a ghost too.”
“If we’re just going to run away, why are we looking for him in the first place?”
Edwin steps behind me, his voice next to my ear.
“Being scared is the fun part.”
His breath sends a shiver down my arms. Then his fingers dig into my waist and it makes me jump with a little shriek.
Laughter escapes me, strange and wonderful in equal measure. I like this. The feeling of belonging to a family. Of gaining four brothers. It’s endearing watching five grown men act like boys despite everything they’ve been through and lost.
It makes me think of Asher. He would have loved this.
The ache arrives quietly, but deepens fast. Even though the man who killed him is dead, nothing feels resolved. That man answered to someone who still walks free.
