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I have been trying to file it under fine, with everything else.

It is not fine.

I am not fine. God, I am going to miss him.

Standing in this drafty corridor, I realise that at some point over the last few weeks, without any permission from me, Julian Thorne has become the single thing I look forward to everyday. I don’t know when that terrifying shift happened, and I have absolutely no clue what I am supposed to do about it.

“Don’t disappear on me, Bow-Peep,” he says. His grip tightens slightly on my fingers, his thumb stroking the back of my hand.

“I won’t.” I mean it with every single piece of my heart.

He studies my face for a long moment before leaning in to kiss me. He presses his lips against mine, holding the kiss for a fraction of a second longer than usual—a quiet unspoken promise.

“Two weeks,” he says softly against my mouth. “Two weeks, and then straight back to the Nocturne… and me.” He drops his hands to his sides, that devastating smirk finally making an appearance. “Besides, I am already looking forward to seeing your face daily.”

“Me too.”

“Merry Christmas, Bow-Peep.”

“Merry Christmas, Julian.”

He turns on his heel and walks back down the corridor. I watch him until he disappears from view. Only then do I go inside my room and let the heavy door close behind me.

The room is entirely quiet.

I stand there in silence for a while, finally letting myself feel the truth that I have been trying to suppress for weeks.

Oh.

Oh, this is a massive problem.

The thing is, I already knew it.

I think I have known it for far longer than I am comfortable admitting. I just wasn’t brave enough to face it until now.

Julian Thorne has stolen considerably more of my heart than I ever intended to give him, and I have absolutely no idea how I am going to manage the next two weeks without being with him every day, even if I do get to see his handsome face on my laptop screen every night.

Fine, I tell myself, staring at my packed bags in the corner of the room.

Completely fine.

I take a slow, deep breath, but the empty room offers no comfort.

It isn’t fine at all.

33

Julian

The booth in Stave is quieter than usual. Now that Theo and Marco have packed up their gear and headed off for the break, it’s just me and Josh.

Josh shifts against the leather seat, tracing the edges of his whiskey tumbler with his fingers.

“Spotted Nancy down by the front bar earlier,” Josh says casually.

“Ah, did you?”

“Is it officially over between you then?” Josh asks.