Page 109

“Keep trying,” I say, fighting the guilt I feel when all I want to do is go talk to Blake.

Chase goes to the dartboard to pick up his darts, and I turn around.

Blake walks toward me. My whole body tingles wondering if he’ll kiss me or put his arm around me or…

He stops a few inches away and turns to Chase. “Can I borrow your mom for a sec? I need to ask her something.” Then he winks at Chase.

Chase shrugs and throws another dart. “Sure.”

Blake grabs my hand and pulls me along to the back room.

“What was that about?” I ask when the door closes behind us.

But I barely have time to finish that sentence before Blake’s arms wrap around me and his lips brush against mine. And for a moment, all thoughts flitter out of my head as I melt into Blake, kissing slowly and tenderly, and yet with so much passion.

“I missed you,” Blake says, dragging his nose against mine. “My apartment has never felt so empty before. Is it selfish to say that I can’t wait for you to come back?”

I know what he means. Because for me to come back, Chase has to go back to Ethan. And he knows that I hate being away from Chase.

I shake my head. “It’s not your fault that I have to be separated from my son. All the blame goes squarely to Ethan. If anything, I should thank you for keeping me company when he leaves.”

He exhales loudly, letting me know I’m not going to like what he’s about to say. “On the subject of Ethan, Chase and I chatted for a bit last night, and he mentioned that he was sad that he wasn’t going to be able to ride the bumper cars with his dad this year.”

I pull back a little, but Blake keeps his arm loosely wrapped around my waist.

“He didn’t say anything to me.”

“Well, he’s smart. He understands the situation. He knows that it’s your weekend to be with him, and he doesn’t want to make you sad.”

And of course, because he said that, a tear falls down my face. I wipe it away brusquely. I haven’t cried for over a week now, and I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t want to be that person anymore.

“I just wish Chase felt comfortable enough to talk to me.”

“I’m sure he will with time. But for now, all he knows is that any mention of Ethan leads you to make that sad face. And he doesn’t want to cause you pain.”

I close my eyes. “And now he wants to spend my weekend with him?”

Blake kisses me on the forehead. “He just wants to ride bumper cars with his dad.”

The bumper cars are Ethan and Chase’s favorite carnival ride. It’s their favorite part of the festival, something they look forward to all year. And deep down a part of me was glad that Ethan wasn’t getting Chase this weekend just for that reason. I wanted him to feel the consequences of his actions. To feel the loss of our family.

I just didn’t really think about what it meant for Chase.

“What are you saying Blake? You want me to let them hangout this weekend?” I shake my head. “Just the thought of seeing Ethan…”

Blake’s fingers wrap around the back of my head and massage. “I’ll go with him. We can go Sunday evening. I have the day off, and you will be busy with the closing ceremony. I can take Chase to the carnival and meet Ethan there. The two of them can have fun for an hour. And then we come back to the main stage to meet you.”

“Have you talked to Chase about it?”

“When he told me about the bumper cars, I told him I’d talk to you. That’s all.”

“Have you talked to Ethan?”

“No. And I won’t if you don’t want me too.”

I take a slow, deep breath. Blake is right. I’m going to be busy. I won’t even notice that Chase isn’t there. It will change nothing for me and mean the world to him. So why not say yes.

Because I want Ethan to hurt.