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Filled with nerves and unease, I parsed through the emotions. There wasn’t a single cell in my body that didn’t want to marry Lilah. It wasn’t a fear of commitment or that this wouldn’t work out. It was a fear of letting her down or failing her in some way.
How do I confront that, though? Prepare for an unknown decision at an unknown time? Is there anything I can even do now? Making a slow lap around the neighborhood, I subconsciously wound my way to Mom’s house. Stopping in front of it, I took in the closed blinds and unlit rooms. Safe and sound, still asleep inside. At least that settled a part of me.
Just as I was about to step away, I noticed the twitch of a curtain. Shortly after, the porch light turned on before Mom stepped outside..
“Coffee?” she asked, and I nodded. She pointed to one of the rocking chairs Lilah and I had gotten her for the front porch.
“Wait there. No seeing the bride.” Not bothering to argue, I headed for my assigned seat and sank into the wooden chair. Only a few minutes passed before Mom returned, passing me a cup of black coffee.
“Cinnamon?” I asked. Sometimes, she added it to the ground coffee, giving it a little extra flavor. She liked to use it for special occasions, birthday breakfasts, and Mother’s Day celebrations.
“Of course. It’s a big day.” She took a sip of her coffee, not asking any questions. Her silence always invited more conversation than anything else she could ask.
“I’m worried. No—I’m fucking terrified that I’m gonna disappoint her somehow.” I paused looking down.
“What if she regrets marrying me? Regrets tying herself to someone with so many issues? Not to mention this shit with Crow…”
“Eliot, do you trust her? Do you trust Lilah?” she asked, her gaze steady and clear.
“Yes. Without a doubt,” I told her. Reaching out she covered my hand with hers, giving it a squeeze.
“She’s choosing you. She has chosen you over and over again. Trust her decision. Trust her.” How can I argue with that?
I didn’t. Taking a sip, I leaned back in the chair. I met Mom’s gaze, showing her I understood. That I was ready for today, for this step.
On a soul-deep level, I knew this was different. More than just a marriage, a legal contract, or a formal title. I wanted to claim Lilah in every way possible. I never wanted anyone to question who she belonged to. Just as much as she owned my ass. She would never question that I’d spend every day putting her first. Above all else, Lilah’s happiness was my number-one priority.
“You need me to help out with anything before the courthouse? I asked. Something in my expression had Mom smiling.
“Nope. Just shower and show up.” Both Mom and Lilah had insisted we arrive separately, wanting to preserve some of the classic wedding moments. I tried to picture what Lilah would look like, but she had kept everything about what she was wearing a secret. Not that it mattered; I’d marry her in a burlap sack. Whatever it took to make her mine.
Mom stood up, her arm extended toward me for my coffee cup. I stood up, taking both our mugs and putting them on the railing before pulling her in for a hug.
“Thank you. For everything,” I told her.
“My boy, everything I do is for you. I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. You’re going to make Lilah a very happy woman. I’ll make sure of it. I love you, Eliot.” She pulled away, wiping at her eyes in brisk, efficient motions.
“Well, then, it’s time to get moving. Charlie is already on her way here. Seph and Cece are at the clubhouse. Bull will be at your place in an hour. So off with you now. No time to waste. We’ve got a wedding to get ready for!” She kept her voice hushed, but there was no hiding her excitement and joy.
“Yes m’am,” I replied before pressing a kiss to her head.
“Love you, Ma. See ya at the courthouse.” She waited on the porch until I was out of sight, disappearing inside to help my fiancé get ready.
The morning passed in a blur. As much as Bull tried to distract me, my mind couldn’t focus. It almost felt like I was underwater; everything was muffled and distorted. Showering and getting dressed, it was finally time to go.
Conversations echoed around me as I stood in the courthouse hallway. Dressed in all black, I looked down at my suit, searching for anything that seemed out of place. As odd as it felt to be dressed up, the monochrome shirt and tie helped me feel more at ease.
“Damn.” Bull’s outburst had me looking up, my breath catching in my throat. Lilah was in a cream-colored suit. The elegant jacket and pencil skirt looked perfectly tailored to her body, gliding over her curves, clinging to them lovingly. Something lacy peeked out from underneath the jacket. Her hair was pinned away from her face on either side, but still loose down her back. Her makeup was minimal, and she had her grandmother’s necklace on. She looked stunning.
“Angel.” Her cheeks flushed as she stepped into my embrace. Her jacket opened, revealing some sort of corset underneath that had me groaning. She looked like a pinup model. Lacing our fingers together, I lifted our joined hands and pressed a kiss to hers. Charlie and Mom quickly joined us, taking pictures as I held Lilah in my arms, no plans to let her go anytime soon.
Standing in front of the judge, all I’d remember was the way Lilah looked. The way her eyes held mine. The smile that never left her face.
I do
I do
Just two words; not nearly enough to convey how much she meant to me, but they’d do for the moment. Those two words bought me time to show her every day for the rest of her life that it was the right decision.