Page 7

“You always do this! Play the victim after you make a mistake…Lilah, are you even listening to me?”

“No,” I remembered saying, my tongue heavy and my heart racing.

“No, what?” Kyle’s annoyed face flashed in my mind. How tired I was of the same song and dance.

“I’m not listening. I don’t care what you’re upset about. Just tell me what the fuck you need to hear so we can get out of here. I don’t have time for one of your tantrums.” Surprise registered on his face as a bubble of pride rose within me. It had been a long time, but that backbone I used to have finally appeared. Before I could say anything else, my head was snapping to the side, the taste of copper coating my tongue as a stinging pain spread over my cheek.

The realization that he had hit me felt like slow motion. My ears were ringing. He was walking away, his mouth moving, but the sound was distorted. Like a Charlie Brown character, it was warped.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” He took a step toward me, and I flinched, stepping back. Wrong move. His jaw clenched, and his eyes darkened.

“FUCK!” he yelled, pulling his hair as he turned around. Grabbing the first thing in reach, he launched a vase filled with water and carefully trimmed flowers across the room. It crashed against the wall behind me, the glass shattering instantly. I felt a stinging pain on my forehead but ignored it, as I did with the water that was rolling across the floor and into my shoes.

“Look what you made me do! Just stay home. Clean this shit up. I’ll make an excuse for you. We’ll finish this talk when I get in.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead, and I jumped. He frowned at me.

“Don’t blow this out of proportion, Lilah. Just go to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow,” he told me, walking out before I could respond. I stood still, not moving or breathing, just standing in the center of our townhouse, silent tears sliding down my face and splashing onto my silk shirt. Looking down and seeing the dark blobs marring the once-pristine blouse propelled me into motion.

Once in my bedroom, I grabbed my phone. I paused. My parents loved Kyle more than they had ever cared for me. My sister, Lissette, wasn’t an option either. It hit me then, how alone I was. I had spent my entire life trying to make my family happy, to make them proud of me. But in a moment of true need, I didn’t trust any of them. Turning my phone off, I threw it into a suitcase. From there, I packed my most important possessions and documents.

I didn’t trust Kyle not to throw a tantrum and destroy my things or hold something like my passport or birth certificate hostage to get me to talk to him. Leaving him, breaking off the engagement, would force my family and I into a final confrontation, but I didn’t care anymore. For once, in twenty-six years, I was putting myself first.

Camping out at a hotel for a week until I decided I was strong enough to face the world, I kept my phone off and only turned my computer on long enough to email HR to use my untouched personal days. With a plan in mind and some new boundaries I was ready to enforce, I went to see my family.

“What were you thinking? Just leaving Kyle like that. No note, no nothing! How dare you. He deserves more than that.” My mother didn’t even let me cross the threshold before she started in on me. I hung my jacket up and followed her into the sitting room. Lissette was already there, a martini in one hand, while father sat in his leather chair with a Scotch.

“Yes, do tell, sister. What’s this about you calling off your engagement? When it was so hard for you to get a man in the first place?” Lissette gave me a cruel smile, and my stomach dropped. There was a part of me that was hoping they would take my side, that they would prove me wrong.

“Kyle and I are done. I am not getting back together with him. The wedding is canceled. I’ve spoken to most of the vendors, and I have been able to get our money back or greatly reduced. Here is a check for what couldn’t be recovered.” I laid it out on a table. I had been working at the family company since I was fifteen. My father had insisted I go through the ranks. I saved every penny, and when our grandfather passed, both Lissette and I were given a portion of inheritance. I had enough saved up to cover this and to start over on my own.

“Lilah May, this isn’t funny. What’s all this about anyway?” My father was finally paying attention, his drink aside and his phone away.

“He…We got into a fight.” I started, and Lissette rolled her eyes.

“Yes, couples fight. What’s going on? Is he cheating? Is there someone else?” Mother asked, her concern that Kyle might leave me weighing on her far more than my feelings.

“No. I mean, not that I know of,” I said. Lisette went to refill her glass.

“Just spit it out, then. What did he do that made you all outraged? How did he offend Miss Morals over here?” she said, and Dad chuckled.

“He hit me! He was upset over something stupid and started throwing shit. And then he…He slapped me, so I left,” I sputtered. They all froze, their eyes seeking each other out rather than looking at me. My breathing was ragged, my hands shaking, and still, no one said anything.

“You look fine,” Lissette finally said. I flinched.

“Honey, couples fight. I’m sorry things got out of hand. Just talk to him. Hear him out. Maybe you two can go to counseling with the bishop. It used to be a requirement, you know.” Mom reached out to pat my hand. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“And if I don’t?” I asked, needing to hear them say it out loud, to admit that they cared about everything and everyone else except me.

“If you can’t figure out how to fix things with Kyle, then you’re cut off! Do you have any idea what this will do to the company? Our reputation? Go book a spa trip, cool off, then come back. I’ll have a word with Kyle.” My father laid out his plan like it was a done deal. Like he hadn’t just hammered in the final nail in the coffin of our relationship.

“I understand,” I told them. Because I did. I wasn’t disappointed. It was what I expected, after all. The reality of it all was just…depressing. As much as I knew that was going to be their response, it still hurt.

Without another word, I had left, dropping my cell phone in their mailbox on the way out. I left the car Kyle had got me at the townhouse, and my rental was already packed with all of my things.

With a full tank of gas and a vague destination in mind, I drove away from the house I grew up in and the people I called family. It was the best decision I ever made.

It was…incredible. Those months away from them had been liberating on so many levels. After spending the past decade molding, camouflaging, and hiding my true self to try to make others happy, I had forgotten who I really was and what I wanted.

Smothered into creams and mauves, boxed into roles of wife or charity woman, labeled a shark or a lamb. I could finally just be me. Messy, confused, colorful, indecisive, and afraid. I was embracing all of it.