AllFreeNovel Stories worth discovering

Christmas Under Fire

Page 142

by Jessica Ashley

“But that doesn’t mute what you suffered, Sadie.” He turns toward me. “When you got here a week ago, you couldn’t even stand to be close to me. To be touched. But last night, you just curled up against me and fell asleep like everything was right in the world. Like you wanted to be there.”

“I did want to be there,” I say, honestly surprised that he doesn’t see it. How can he not see the way I look at him? How I crave his nearness? “I don’t know how I would react if someone else touched me,” I admit honestly. “But when you do…” I trail off, unsure how to put into words what I’m feeling. “Afterward, I worried that I would never be able to handle being touched again. Anytime a stranger brushed past me, I’d panic. This time with you, though, has given me hope that I won’t always feel so broken.”

“Broken?” he asks. “Sadie, there is nothing broken about you.”

Tears form in the corners of my eyes as my heart soars. Does he know the effect his words have on me? Does he know that the world feels steadier with him here? “You make me feel whole, Maverick. I owe you my life.”

“You owe me nothing.”

“But I do.” I position myself so I’m leaning on my hip, facing him. “You brought me into your bar when it would have been easier to leave me outside. You fed me and offered me a safe place to rest. Then, last night, you ran outside, ready to fight the root of my nightmares for me.”

“I want you to feel safe.”

“I do. I feel safer than I have in a long, long time. I’ve always had my faith, and that is enough. But I believe—with everything inside of me—that I’m here because God knew I needed you, too.”

He raises his hand as though he’s going to touch me but pulls it back in a moment of hesitation.

“It’s okay,” I tell him. A sharp, unexpected need rises within me.

Need for his touch.

For his kindness.

For him.

Please don’t pull away from me. Not now. Not ever.

Maverick drops his knees down and moves in closer. We’re still facing opposite directions, but nearly side by side now. So close.

My breath catches as he raises his hand and cups my cheek. The touch is gentle. Little more than a whisper of contact, but it sends my already hammering heart into overdrive.

Gaze locked on me, he leans in and rests his forehead against mine. The heat of his breath against my face doesn’t spur panic. Instead, I’m desperate for this moment to never end.

How can I make this last forever?

“I feel things for you I never thought I’d experience. I never wanted to experience,” he adds. “And it doesn’t make any sense.”

“The feeling is mutual,” I whisper back. Eyes closed, it’s all I can do to fight the urge to close the distance between us just to feel his lips on mine.

But am I ready for that? Am I ready to change what’s between us when there’s still so much I don’t know?

“You make me question everything, Sadie. Who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life. What I believe.”

“What do you want?” I’m almost afraid to ask. Afraid to know what he’s looking for. Because if it’s not what I am, it’s going to wreck me.

“You.”

I close my eyes, the crack in my heart already starting. I won’t have a physical relationship outside of marriage. So if that’s what he’s hoping for, then I am not the person to give it to him.

He pulls away just a bit, dropping his hand from my face as he goes. “I’ve avoided relationships because I never wanted to get married. Even when everyone around me was out having flings, I wouldn’t let myself take that step because I didn’t want to risk having children with someone I wasn’t going to spend my life with.”

I open my eyes and watch him as he talks.

“I’ve managed to live by that philosophy since I was eighteen, but you make me want to rethink it all.” He stands and reaches down to tug me to my feet. “One week is all it took for you to completely undo everything I’d built my life around. And yes, I realize I just told you I’ve never been with a woman, and never planned to be, but there it is. Cards on the table.”

I smile, his clear embarrassment so absolutely adorable. “You’re in good company,” I tell him. “Because I decided, a long time ago, I wouldn’t go to bed with a man unless I was married. Which has cost me a lot of relationships.”

“Then they were all fools,” he replies, then puts both hands on his hips and momentarily looks away. “Do you, uh, want to have dinner tonight?”