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Happiness builds inside me as I get up from my lounge chair. I look out at the desert scenery and think of what Hazel told me, about how I never asked her about doing retreats in Seattle. I know it’s because I was worried that Noah would never fully commit, so I’d figured why uproot my life or start new ventures if I didn’t know we had a long-term future?

But now he has, and if I go to the game tonight and I’m spotted with him and Quinn, everyone will know who I am. There will be no more hiding.

The raven from earlier lands near the pool once more and caws at me. We stare at each other for a long moment, and he cocks his head to the side as if to say: What are you waiting for, stupid?

And my answer is simple: “Nothing. Not anymore.”

The raven caws louder like he’s satisfied with my answer and flies off, urging me to take flight myself. With a text to Hazel to let her know she was right and a hurriedly packed bag, I’m off to the airport. I have a hockey game to attend and a couple to declare my love to.

Chapter forty-one

Quinn

I look away from the ice and the filling arena, checking my phone for the millionth time. I’d hoped to see a message from Beck letting me know he’s on his way, but no dice. I could call or text him, but I don’t want to seem desperate—even if that was the obvious feeling both Noah and I had all day leading up to our arrival at the rink.

When he kissed me before he headed to the locker room, we held each other until the team’s goalie, Brady, jokingly told the “celebrities” to stop blocking the hallway. The last words we said to each other ring through my mind:

“No matter what happens tonight, I just need you to know how much I love you and how proud I am of you, Noah.”

“I know, Sunshine. I love you, too, and I’m sorry it took me so long to make this happen. But if Beck doesn’t want to be with us anymore, I need you to know that doesn’t make our relationship any less. You’re stuck with me.”

“And you’re stuck with me.”

And I meant it. Noah and I have worked incredibly hard on our marriage, and things are better than they’ve ever been. He sees me, cares about me, and makes time for me. Sometimes, I wonder how our relationship worked for so many years prior to our trip to the desert, because so much is different now.

But our relationship is even better with Beck. The months we’ve spent getting to know him have been the best of my life, and I think Noah feels the same. Beck has brought out sides of us we hid or didn’t know we had. He’s been a safe space for us to explore, and I’d like to think we’ve been that for him, too, that all three of us are better together than apart.

Noah has worked a lot on his mental health, being more present in our relationship, and work/life balance. I’ve practiced speaking my mind more and coming into my dominant side. I’ve explored that with both Noah and Beck when we visited each other and over text and phone chats as well as with Noah from day-to-day. I’ve shown up for myself more, even coming to the realization that a part of why I’d been so unhappy in my relationship with Noah was because I was unhappy with my life.

It’s why I’m not shooting the game tonight—I’m taking this season off to figure out what I want to do. Noah reminded me that taking a year off wouldn’t hurt us financially, so I’ve been taking nature photography classes at the local community college and working on my craft.

I’ve discovered it brings me peace to photograph animals and plants instead of people, and maybe one day in the future, I’ll put together an art show. The change of pace will also allow me to spend more time with Beck and Noah during the busy hockey season. I’m hoping to tell Beck of my decision tonight…

I stare at my phone again but still find nothing from him. My eyes burn, and I blink the tears away, refusing to cry in front of so many people. Noah and I will be fine if Beck decides not to be with us, but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Noah and I would have to find a new normal without the man we both love. Yes, love.

That’s another thing I hope I get to tell Beck tonight.

A few taps on the glass make me look up from my phone, and I find Noah staring at me from the ice. His skin is flushed from his warmup, the corner of his lips lifted in a tight smile.

“Anything?” he shouts.

I shake my head and force a small smile back at him, knowing eyes are on us tonight. The seats Noah reserved for us don’t help matters, either, since they’re left corner glass seats. My face and Noah’s have already been on the jumbotron, and the game hasn’t even started yet.

Plus, Stevie, Lucas, Leo, Jace, and Riley are all here, too, along with Noah’s agent, Aidan. It makes our little group a hot commodity, not only because of Noah’s viral article but also because Lucas is both hockey royalty and an award-winning actor. Then you’ve got Jace, Leo, and Riley, who are “throuple goals,” as Stevie so happily put it. They also were in a similar position of virality when Leo came out and told the world about his poly relationship.

“He’ll show!” Stevie chimes in from beside me, rubbing my shoulder.

I look at the singular empty seat next to me then back to Noah and Stevie. “I hope so.”

Noah taps on the glass again and calls out, “I love you!”

“I love you, too. Now, go play your heart out.”

He nods and acknowledges everyone seated with me before he skates off with his team, the pregame music getting louder in the arena to get the crowd ready for the game.

Minutes later, the Zamboni comes out to clear the ice, and I shrink down in my seat, feeling the burn of strangers’ eyes on me.

“Am I right that everyone is staring at us?” I ask Stevie.