Page 119

Tears fill my eyes, but I blink to stop them from falling, waiting for Beck to speak again.

He sucks in a loud breath. “There’s a lot that goes into a relationship with two people, let alone three.”

“Is it not something you’d want?” I ask.

“I’m not saying that, but I am saying it’s not easy.”

“So are you saying that you don’t want to be with us?” Noah tries.

“No, that’s—” He runs his hand over his beard. “I’m not, but just because we have sexual chemistry doesn’t mean we’ll work in the real world. You’re not even out, Noah; did you think about that?”

A heavy weight settles on my chest. Noah’s features are tense, and he opens and closes his mouth several times before he forms a two-word sentence.

“I haven’t.”

“Were you both just planning to show up one day to the rink and say, ‘Here is our boyfriend’?”

“I haven’t thought about it,” Noah says honestly.

“I know.” Beck squeezes his thigh. “And you don’t owe anyone anything, but I refuse to be in the closet.”

“We’d never ask that of you,” he volleys.

“So are you planning to come out, then?”

“I—” Noah looks at me, and I feel for him. We’ve had long conversations about what that would mean if he did. He’s out to the people he cares most about, but making it known publicly is a different story. People are more accepting nowadays, but for professional athletes, especially in the world of hockey, it’s not as easy. Some people will be upset, and it could affect brand deals.

The longer the silence goes on, the fear in Noah’s hazel eyes grows, skin turning pink. Every lean muscle in his body is tight. The signs of an approaching panic attack are all there, but before I can do something about it, Beck cups Noah’s cheek.

“You’re okay. Take a breath for me.”

Noah immediately follows his orders and takes another one, and then another, until his skin turns nearer to its normal color and he’s breathing steadily again.

“I’m not forcing you to do anything you’re not ready for,” Beck assures him. “Please know that. But I am telling you what I need to make any kind of future relationship work with the two of you. I won’t be ashamed of who I am or who I’m with, and I won’t back down or make myself smaller to fit into a box.”

“I wouldn’t want you to do that,” Noah says seriously. “And I wouldn’t want you to be a secret. I shouldn’t have let you be a secret ten years ago, and I’m sorry for that.”

Beck strokes his cheek with his thumb. “It’s in the past. And like you said before, you have Quinn.”

“And so do you,” I add.

Noah’s mouth turns up into a tender smile. Beck drops his hand so he can look at me.

“That’s another thing,” he says coolly. “Have the two of you thought about what it would be like if Noah not only comes out but then everyone knows you’re in a throuple?”

I shake my head solemnly. “We haven’t.”

Beck exhales a deep sigh that I feel in my bones. “Have you both thought about logistics? I have a job that’s not located in Seattle. I travel often, and I enjoy what I do.”

Noah’s lost expression finds mine, and I see the question in his eyes. I shake my head at him because no, I didn’t think about it, either. I haven’t thought much about anything except how I feel when I’m with them.

“We could fly you out to us,” Noah says a moment later, “and visit you when we can.”

“That’s unrealistic during hockey season, and you know it,” Beck counters.

My pulse skyrockets. “We can make it work,” I say, tone pleading.

Beck takes my hand, his gaze heavy. “In order for us to work, you and Noah have to work.”