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“I know. It was just a lot.”

“It sounds like it, and it explains the changes I see in you.”

“And what do you see?”

“You’re softer, happier.” She places her hand on the middle of my back. “And you’re carrying yourself differently. Your shoulders are lighter.”

I roll my shoulders back automatically and find that she’s right. Even with the fear I’ve been carrying around with me all day, what she says is true.

“You’ve gone through a lot since I’ve met you, Beck,” she continues. “You’ve changed so much over the years, and with that change, you’ve stepped into yourself. You’re a competent and compassionate man who cares about people. You want to see people be loved, and you enjoy when that love thrives here. But may I comment on something?”

“You know you always can.”

“You have changed since they’ve arrived, but I’m not going to gloss over the emotional reaction you had when I asked you about Noah and Quinn’s progress. Why did that upset you? I would think that, with everything you’ve told me, you’d be happier about the future and about what took place with them over the retreat, not less.”

I try to speak, to express my feelings to Hazel like I have so many times in the past, but nothing comes out. My eyes burn with tears again, and before I can blink them away, one slips from my eye. I wipe it with the back of my hand.

“I know you very well, Beck, and I’ve told you this before, but I think it’s relevant again here.” She takes my hand. “The people we help, they aren’t the only ones deserving of happy and healthy relationships. You deserve that, too.”

“I know,” I say hoarsely.

“But do you actually believe it?”

“Noah and Quinn already have a relationship together, a ten-year one at that. It’s also a relationship that Noah chose to give his all to, something he could never do for me.” The pain of expressing what I didn’t even know I’d been feeling makes me nauseous.

“Have you talked to them about this?”

I shake my head. “This retreat is for them.”

“But you’re a part of them now.”

“I’m someone that they feel comfortable with, I’m not in their relationship.”

“They told you that?”

I open my mouth to speak but stop myself, and Hazel grins.

“I see—so you haven’t spoken to them about the future or anything you’ve been feeling at all.”

“It hasn’t exactly come up. I’ve been focused on them, and”—my skin heats—“other things.”

She smiles. “I know it’s scary to face our insecurities head on, but I think it’s time you put yourself and your feelings first. Noah and Quinn need to know how you’re feeling because, from where I sit, they see you as part of their future.”

“Did they say something?”

“They have to be the ones to tell you that. But I’m not an idiot. They are a mirror to you. They search for you in every room, watch you with stars in their eyes when you’re not looking. I even overheard Phil and Josie talking about how jealous they were that the three of you were having fun together.”

I snort. “They are such gossips.”

Hazel chuckles. “I only tell you this because I want you to know you’re not alone in your feelings. You’re a part of the Ashcrofts’ story now, but in order to be written on the pages, you need to communicate with them. Tell them your fears, and figure out the future.”

“That was poetic.”

“I try.” She pats the top of our joined hands. “I meant what I said, Beck. You deserve to be loved, fully and completely. If that’s by Noah and Quinn, you need to work to make that happen.”

“And if it’s not?”

“Then there is more love to be found in the world. But don’t throw away what you’re building because you’re afraid. You’ve come too far in your life to let fear decide your fate now.”