Page 36
“Worth. Dignity. Trust. Love.” He recited. “What’s that about?”
Clearing my dry throat, I dug deep for the courage to fuel my admission.
“They’re all the things he took from me.”
“Nah.” Jamie’s body rocked as he shook his head. “That nigga didn’t take anything from you. Worth? Anyone who would do what you said he did isn’t worth a day in your presence. You were more than worthy enough for him and are even more so now.”
“That’s really sweet of you to say.”
“Maybe so, but it doesn’t make it any less true. And dignity? You’re still holding on, keeping your head high and fighting against bullshit every day. How can you not take pride in that? In not letting this break you?”
“Everything you’re saying sounds so pretty and elegant, but life is anything but that. Yeah, I’m fighting. But I’m also getting my ass whooped.”
“Everyone has to earn a lump or two. It builds character,” he teased, plucking my forehead.
“Oh, whatever.”
“Trust,” he whistled. “Yeah, this is a hard one. I imagine that’s damn near impossible after something like that.”
“You imagined correctly,” I confirmed. “I don’t even trust myself to pick a batch of bananas out of the grocery store anymore. I’m terrified of being wrong.”
“Everything is trial and error at some point, though,” he argued. “You’re never going to move forward if you don’t have enough faith in yourself to move your feet.”
I rolled my eyes. “Clearly, I can’t be trusted with myself.”
“Well, that’s a problem, seeing as how at the end of the day, you're the only one who’ll ever fully have your best interests at heart,” Jamie shot back before moving on to the last word. “Love.” He cast his eyes downwards to me. “You don’t believe in that anymore, either?”
“I would have thought that one would be the perfect one for you to understand.”
Closing the book, Jamie sat it to the side. Thoughtfully stroking his beard, he finally said. “I can’t say that I don’t believe in something I’ve yet to experience.”
My brow furrowed as I peered up at him. “You didn’t love your fiancée?”
“I wasn’t in love with her,” he corrected me. “I think that’s why I didn’t react stronger when everything fell apart. It wasn’t where I wanted to be. Shit, I knew that before I proposed, but my dad has a way of getting in your head sometimes and making you second-guess yourself. We wouldn’t have been happy together. Not in the long run.”
“Do you think you would have called things off eventually?”
“I don’t know. But I’m grateful I don’t have to find out.”
“I bet.”
“The only thing that I can say about love, though, is that his lack of it has nothing to do with you. That’s his fucked-up mindset and the next woman’s problem. Don’t let him staunch what could be a blessing to someone else. To do so would surrender ownership of your heart to him. I can’t let you go out like that.”
Snickering, I closed my eyes, enjoying the comfort of our conversation. “You’re annoying. You know that?”
“Charming? Yes. Handsome? Always. Annoying. Never?”
“Shittin’ me. I–”
A knock against the door broke up the playful bout of banter. My eyes fluttered open as I shouted. “Come in.”
The door pushed open, and Raelynn popped her head inside. “So sorry to interrupt whatever you two were doing back here,” her eyes glittered with mischief. “But last time I checked, Jamie was supposed to be on a mission for me.”
“Oh, shit,” he brought a fist to his lips. “That’s right. Rae was having trouble finding the wine opener.”
“Yes, I was. I’m also now dying of thirst. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”
Giggling, I pulled myself to my feet. “Alright, let’s go so I can get the drama queen what she needs.”