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“And still did this.”
“Yes.”
It makes me angrier, because part of me had expected her to start justifying herself desperately so that I get to cut her off. Instead, she stands there on the other end of the line and owns it.
“Elara,” I say, keeping my voice controlled because if I raise it, I will say something I cannot take back, “you hid my daughter in a car and took her outside a secured estate after I told you she was not going.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to be punished,” I say.
I hear her gulp, and even that tiny reaction does something to me.
In the background, Irina says, “She has been doing this the whole time. Acting reasonable while saying insane things.”
Elara moves the phone away slightly. “Irina, for once, could you please use your obvious talent for drama on something useful, like locating paper napkins?”
“I should have known you were trouble the second you walked into this house,” Irina says.
“Give the phone to Kirill,” I say.
“He’s inside.”
“Then go inside.”
“Nikolai—”
“Now.”
A short silence follows, then the sound of movement: children laughing, music, a woman saying something cheerful in the distance.
My daughter is in a room full of balloons and cake and school friends, and I am in a car trying not to imagine every way this can go wrong before I can get to her. And that’s exactly what’s wrong with my life.
Then Elara speaks again, softer than before. “She’s happy.”
I say nothing.
“I know that doesn’t make what I did okay,” she says. “I know I went behind your back, and I know I lied. But she has been trying so hard not to look disappointed all week, and when she saw Lily, Nikolai, she looked like herself again.”
My jaw tightens. “You don’t get to decide what risk is acceptable for my daughter.”
“I know,” she says.
“And yet you did it anyway,” I say, and then cut the call.
I hang up and sit back.
Sergei finally looks at me. “Do you want me to handle Elara when we arrive?”
“No,” I say, “I’ll do it myself.”
And I already have some ideas how.
16
ELARA
For the first few minutes after Nikolai’s call, I convince myself that maybe the drive will give him time to cool down.
