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I stared at the fucking banana bread that Ember had made for me while I was confronting Alaric, tightness twisting at my chest. My claws dug straight through the wooden kitchen table, my chin trembling.
Why the fuck was this affecting me so much? Why couldn’t this be easy?
From the moment I’d laid eyes on Ember, I had known I’d have to reject her. I had known in order to save my pack from losing their mates, I’d have to sacrifice mine. Why did the Moon Goddess have to torture me like this?
The sweet scent of banana bread drifted through my nose as sweat dripped down my forehead. I had returned from my ten-fucking-hour run to find this, still sitting in the middle of my kitchen table, a fucking thank-you gift from my mate to me.
When I squeezed my eyes closed, a measly attempt to get rid of the thought of her, all I could see were those big eyes staring up at me, quivering, filled with tears. The way she had fallen to her knees in front of me.
The wooden table crumbled under my grasp, and the banana bread fell with it, still in its original container.
When she had collapsed, all I’d wanted to do was hold her, to grasp her, to comfort her. It wasn’t me making this decision anymore. I fucking wanted her to be my mate.
I needed her to be my mate.
But I had been born an alpha, and I had a duty to my pack too. Not only to her.
Why is he being so mean about it?
Why’d he have to tell me?
Why does he have to rub it in like he doesn’t know it’s hurting me?
Ember’s thoughts raced through my mind. It was like the Moon Goddess had known that I was about to reject her and wanted to torture me by giving me a taste of what the mate bond could feel like, the mindlink, the closeness.
A low growl left my throat, and I shook my head again. Stop this nonsense, Davix.
Ember was better off with Cade; he’d take care of her the way she needed. I knew he would. As much as I hated him, he had always been a good friend, up until he left. He had shown so much love to Lilliana before she died.
Cade would love Ember the way I couldn’t—softly.
I only fucking hurt her.
After pushing away my anguish, I replaced the pain with anger, with hatred. I hated Ember. I fucking hated her. Everything she did pissed me off, hurt my pack, threatened Black Hollows. She should’ve never moved here.
I picked up the container of banana bread and hurled it at the wall, so hard that the plastic lodged into the drywall, opened halfway up, and the contents spilled out onto the floor and around the ruins of the table.
My breathing hitched, and I picked up what remained of the bread and hurled it at the wall again.
I hate her! And again. I hate her! And again. I hate her! I hate her! I fucking hate her!
Little pieces were scattered around the room, yet the scent was somehow stronger, filling my lungs, suffocating me. My jaw twitched as I glared down at the crumbled pieces of my life, my love.
And then, suddenly, a sob left my mouth. I buckled over and collapsed onto my knees, the pain shooting through my entire body.
I fucking loved Ember. I loved her. How could I think such a thing? How could I say such a thing—and to her face?
How could I reject the one person who kept finding me, even when I didn’t want her to? Who kept showing up when I was rude to her, all to protect myself? How could I call myself an alpha when I didn’t even fight for the one woman who had been made for me?
My shoulders bucked back and forth. I was on my knees, unable to hold my upper body in the air anymore, my head on the floor, the sobs leaving my mouth faster than I could hear them. The pain swelled inside me.
What made this worse was that Ember would go into heat … tomorrow.
Even though I had rejected her, the fact was that she still had been my mate. She had gone through heat once now … maybe twice already. And tomorrow would be no different. Except this time, it would be stronger.
Someone would claim her. Probably Cade.
Cade would claim her during heat, and they’d mate. They’d fucking mate with each other, have pups, and be happy. Cade would get a second chance when I hadn’t even gotten a first. Cade would be best for her.