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“See? You always do this. You immediately psychoanalyze me. I’ve been talking about—”
“I do not!” Maye interrupted. “I’m just trying to help. I don’t want you to feel like you need to run away from anything. I can actually help you deal with whatever is going on. Did something happen at work? Did you lose the bid on that unopened Space Jam DVD?”
“That auction ended days ago. BeauDInCT beat me again,” Randall mumbled.
Randall was always in some type of bidding war for a collectible or memorabilia from his childhood. “Well,” Maye said, “I’m sure you’ll win the next one.”
“This is what I’ve been trying to say; it’s not that exciting for me anymore. The routine is just kind of stale.”
“Maybe increase your bids or…?” Maye suggested.
“Not the auctions, Maye. I mean everything. My life. Every day is routine. I need some excitement, something new. An adventure. I hoped that we would do more things together. We just don’t. We’ve grown apart and have separate lives. We do the same things every day and every week and I don’t like it anymore. I need a change.”
“Randall, we can do new things. I’d like to do new things. I mean, I’d like to try to, at least.”
“There’s actually one more thing,” Randall signaled timidly with his index finger. “I’d like to go by Randy now. It feels like it fits my adventurer personality better.”
Up to this point, Maye felt as though she had been more than patient and had given a productive discussion a fair shot. But this. This struck a nerve.
“Randy?” Maye said with the disgust of a thousand dumpsters. He hadn’t stepped on a hiking trail once in his life. He hadn’t earned the nickname Randy. “You want me to call you Randy? Well listen here, Randy. I don’t know what kind of reactance bull crap you’re pulling here, but taking a two-hundred-mile hike instead of facing your troubles is not how clear-minded adults deal with their issues. And you know what? If you do this? You might not have a girlfriend to come back to.” Maye hated that she had resorted to coercion via ultimatum.
“Well, I’m not sure I want to come back. That’s what I’ve been trying to—”
“So you’re breaking up with me? Way to bury the lede, Randy!” Maye put as much stank on his self-appointed nickname as she could.
“I’m sorry, Maye. There’s just no easy way to do this. I don’t want to hurt you, but I need something more.” Randall stuffed some final items into his bag. “I think this could be good for both of us, Maye.”
Maye’s mind was swirling from all that had changed in her life in the past few minutes. All she could do right now was deal with the facts right in front of her. “So, this is it? You’re dumping me?”
“I think it’s more of a break? So we can get some space and figure out what’s next, you know?”
Maye chuckled to herself at the thought of explaining this to her cousin. It was just like how one of those made-for-TV romantic comedies usually started. He was hitting all the spots on the breakup bingo card. We need space…It’s just a break…I watched a survivalist documentary and now I want to be called Randy…
“What’s funny?” Randall asked.
“Nothing,” she said. She wasn’t in the sharing mood.
Randall carried his bag to the door. “I transferred some extra money to the shared checking account to cover my portion of rent and bills and whatever else. It’s just ten days so…”
Randall stood near the door, probably waiting for Maye to tie up the conversation in a neat little bow like she normally did, or reassure him that things would be fine and that he was doing the right thing. But she just let the awkwardness sit in the air. She wanted to know where this all came from. Most people don’t wake up one day and decide to disrupt their lives. She wanted answers and explanations. But he was ready to walk out the door with everything he thought he needed for a life-changing, ten-day hike.
Randy left with whatever he could fit inside his backpack and left everything else in piles around the living room. Piles that Maye immediately started throwing down the hallway. Anger eclipsed sadness as she grabbed every item of clothing in sight and sent it flying. “Space?!” Maye shouted. “How about outer space?” She threw his NASA sweatshirt. “A break?!” she shouted. “I hope you break your legs!”
Maye exhaled deeply for the first time in a long time when she heard her phone buzz. Had Randal—Randy—realized he had made a mistake? But it wasn’t Randy.
“Hey, Tracy,” Maye tried to sound casual, but she was out of breath and panting.
“Are you exercising or something?” Tracy asked.
“Yeah, or something…” Maye said.
“What’s wrong, Maye?” Tracy asked.
Tracy could always tell when Maye had more to say, and it was all so fresh that Maye was not in the mood to play coy. She told her cousin all about what happened with Randy, even the embarrassing parts, like when she thought it was a hike for two and when she thought it might be a proposal. Even the most embarrassing part, like when she thought Randy had bought her hiking boots.
“Who’s Randy?” Tracy asked.
Maye actually laughed out loud at the absurdity before she explained. “I’m sorry, I forgot the best part. Randall said he wanted to be called Randy from now on because it aligned better with his adventurous side.”
