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So I just blurted, “I have feelings for her. Feelings that make me think this could be something. A better school, a better team… that all sounds good on paper. But in reality, it t—”
“Takes you away from everything you give a damn about,” Dad finished for me.
My shoulders sagged as I let out a long breath. “Yeah.”
“Then you’re not looking for an answer, son. You’re looking for validation,” he said.
I opened my mouth to argue, but the words died. He wasn’t wrong.
“You’re looking for someone to tell you it’s okay to stay,” he continued. “Your head is fighting your heart because you think the only way to move is up. But the world doesn’t move in a straight line, Trace.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?” He waited a beat, and when I said nothing, he went on with, “Because you can follow your head, make all the right choices, and still end up unhappy. Unfulfilled. Or you follow your heart, go for what you want, and know you gave it your best shot.”
“So you’re telling me to stay?” I was frustrated with my own uncertainty. Tired of the back and forth. Of not knowing what to do. I kicked the edge of my bed just to feel something. To tear myself out of the grinding in my head.
“I’m telling you that I can’t tell you what to do.” He didn’t try to sugarcoat it, and I gave an exasperated, bitter laugh.
Because of course he wouldn’t.
He wouldn’t bail me out with a perfect answer tied up in a neat little bow. This was on me. It was always going to be on me.
“Hear me out.”
“I’m listening,” I said, dragging a hand through my hair as I sank onto the edge of my bed.
“You could break your own heart and transfer. You’ll go pro, you’ll meet another girl, make new friends. The world won’t end.”
It kinda felt like it was already ending.
Another girl?
“Or,” he said, bringing me out of the slow-moving spiral, “you can stick with your team and your girl.”
“Dakota.”
“Dakota.” His voice softened on her name, and the sound of it squeezed at my heart. “There’s still a chance for you to get noticed by the right people. And if it doesn’t happen? You’ll leave Havenport with a degree and a full heart. That was the original goal, wasn’t it?”
My dad was offering me the one thing I hadn’t given myself: permission to be happy instead of just successful.
That didn’t make me feel better at all. I was hoping he would help me find the best path forward, but he was basically just telling me to do what I thought was right.
If I had known what that was, we would not have been having this discussion.
Both options felt wrong. I didn’t want to give Dakota up. Not when we’d only just started. I didn’t want to leave the team either.
I stared at the offer letters on my desk.
“What if I regret my decision? Or worse, what if I make the wrong decision?”
“I keep telling you, there’s no such thing.”
“Sure. Which is why you’re always in the dog box with Mom.”
He chuckled right from his belly at that. “What I mean is, whatever decision you make will be the lesson you need at the time. It’s never a waste.”
“I don’t want to screw it up. For anyone.”