Page 105 of Commanding Blood And Bonds

Painfully, I peeled my gaze from her to look at them. My friends. The shield and the Goddess. Alec’s amber eyes carried a kind of agony I was afraid to ask about.

It nearly broke her, Aphaea thought softly, shaking her head. Thousands of years of bloodshed, loss, and grief—what Aren endured as a mortal alone would be enough to drive most to madness. But in the centuries since…

He’s lost everyone he’s ever cared for, Alec said. Over and over again. We’ve all been ripped from him—sometimes we circle back in decades, other incarnations take lifetimes. But he’s spent centuries in complete solitude. Staying steady for his Commanders, then for his people. Grayshell has risen and fallen. Great wars have devastated our numbers more than once. And he was always left to survive the aftermath. Alone.

His father was a monster, Fae said. Abused them all.

Sold them like cattle. Aren was beaten, defending his sister when men came to take her. His father meant to sell her. Aren volunteered instead, insisting his strength and experience with a blade should fetch a higher price. His mother tried to save him. His father killed her. Right in front of him.

Then came the Colosseum…Fae’s thoughts drifted, her eyes lifting toward Ally. I blinked hard, the burning behind my eyes building.

Why? I thought gently. Why would he let her live all of that through him?

He tried to warn her, Alec explained. But Ally wouldn’t hear it. She believed she could handle it. It took years for him to trust her enough to let her in. I think…he believed himself a monster for a long time. And she didn’t want him to be alone in that. She wanted him to have one person who knew everything—and still loved him.

We were all back, but...

It was dark, I said. More than he should’ve survived.

Our Commander may be feared now, but the man knew nothing but abuse, Fae whispered. Soldier, then sacrifice, then slave. Flesh traders. The unthinkable⁠—

Her voice broke.

Beaten, assaulted, branded, used as a whore for the nobiles, Alec continued. He killed one of his lanistae—his handler—but they broke him for it. Threw him in with lions as execution. Bastard survived.

When he was finally free, Fae thought, he beat his father to death with his bare hands.

Then he tried. He really did, Alec added. He ascended, but…he’s lost every lover.

Every friend.

Every confidant.

Leader.

Second, and third.

Again and again.

It wasn’t until Ansel and Marcus returned that he let anyone back in, Fae explained. It took time. But we convinced him he didn’t have to carry it all anymore.

With every word, my chest grew tighter. She lived all of that. At once. Through him, but still.

She wouldn’t let go, Alec said. Ansel and I tried. We tried to break them free, but she’s too damn strong. Aren was locked in there with her, and…He shook his head. Tears just started pouring from his eyes. Her eyes looked like that. This feels just as heavy.

I couldn’t watch, Fae confessed, her voice steeped in shame.

Ansel and I tried to stay, but even we lost our stomachs. Me, more than once, Alec added.

How long has she been out here like this? I asked, breath like lead in my chest. Where was she locked now? In pain? Or was she finally seeing true visions again, like she’d begged the threads for?

My eyes drifted to the others. She’d read nearly everyone in the hierarchy—only a few had refused to let their Second inside their story. Which meant…she carried it all.

Their grief. Their pain. Their shame. Their secrets.

It lived inside her.

I’d known her “gift” felt like anything but. But hearing Aren’s story made it real.