Page 44 of The Pakhan’s Hidden Heir

But as the minutes pass and the room grows quiet, I can’t sleep. My mind won’t settle. I’m more in love with this man than ever. The intensity of what we just shared only made it clearer. He consumed me completely, and I let him. I wanted it.

Now I lie here in his arms wondering if this is the start of our happily ever after or the beginning of the worst heartbreak of my life. Especially knowing that one day, if I’m wrong, he might try to separate me from our child. The thought twists in my chest like a knife, but I press closer, breathing in his scent, terrified of what the future holds.

Bastian’s hand strokes my back slowly, almost absentmindedly. I wonder if he can feel how hard my heart is beating. If he knows how much is at stake for me.

I close my eyes and try to sleep, but the fear stays wide awake inside me.

15

BASTIAN

Dr. Nikitin’s office is too cold, and Raina shivers where she lies on the exam table with her belly exposed while he squeezes gel onto her skin.

Today’s sonogram is supposed to remove worries and fears, of which I have little time for. Instead it tugs at my chest, forcing me to think of Raina in a more intimate way than I’d like.

I stand off to the side with my arms crossed, close enough to see the screen and far enough that I can at least attempt to mask my attraction to her.

“This will be cold,” Dr. Nikitin says, a beat after Raina’s already flinched. She flicks a nervous glance at me with a half-smile—the same half-smile she gives me when I come to bed at night.

I’ve fought Akim to no end, but Raina remains in my bed now, holding me captive to this notion that she’s better off closer to me.

The hardest part of the whole thing is how I have to fight myself. I want her there in spite of knowing how I’d feel if someone tore her away from me, which might very well happen.

He presses the wand to her belly and drags it around the growing bulge slowly, producing a grainy image on the screen.

A familiar shape begins to materialize in the grey static, the shape of a head, two little arms.

My chest squeezes as I narrow my eyes, finding myself inching closer to see the screen better.

Raina is smiling, covering her mouth with a few fingers. I swear she looks like she may cry.

“There’s your baby,” he says. “It’s measuring right on schedule, and the heartbeat is strong.”

Raina turns her head and finds my eyes, wanting me to feel this magic along with her, and part of me does. I feel the same pull in my chest that I felt a few weeks back when I sat across from her at dinner and we discussed her family.

It’s not right. I shouldn’t be losing myself like this, but when she reaches for my hand, I let her take it. She needs it, even if I don’t.

“He’s so small,” Raina says, laughing and crying at the same time. It makes her whole belly shake. I love that she assumes it’s a boy, though the doctor hasn’t said it is or isn’t yet.

It’s what I want, and hearing her want the same thing makes the gravity pull me closer to her.

“They all are at this stage.” Dr. Nikitin smiles at her. “Give him a few more weeks.”

“You said him.” She lights up. “You think it’s a boy?”

Dr. Nikitin snaps his gaze up to me hesitantly. He knows what I’m hoping for, and he knows not to offer false hope. I’d much rather live in reality than some blissfully ignorant awareness that may cause future issues.

“It’s a figure of speech, and it’s too early to tell.” He clicks a few buttons and the machine spits out a strip of photos. “But we’ll know soon enough, if you decide you want to.”

“I want to.” She looks at me. “Do you want to know?”

“We’ll find out when it’s time,” I tell her, forcing my response back into control. I never stopped to think what may happen if the baby is a girl.

Of course the child would still be my heir, but her entire future would look different.

I would need Raina much longer for a little girl than I will a boy. It darkens my mood and I find myself scowling.

She takes the pictures gingerly, holding the strip up to the light and staring at it, finally releasing my hand. It leaves me feeling useless, so I slide my hands into my pockets and tear my eyes away from the strip of images to the doctor’s face.