Page 49

"Sure. Sure. Remind me to tell Diego you treat kids like a business deal." At her dangerously sharp gaze, I hold up my hands. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding. How's Sabina?"

Valentina finally stops walking and faces me, crossing her arms over her chest. "Not good. She spoke to Illyana and I thought they were connecting, but… something happened on the helicopter. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but she's been low ever since." She tilts her head behind her. "She's on the upper deck if you want to see her. We'll be on the move once the speedboat is secure."

"Okay, thanks." All teasing melts away as we pass each other and I lightly pat Valentina's shoulder. She heads below deck while I take a winding white staircase to the upper deck, where a large pool glitters like a thousand diamonds in the moonlight.

Sabina stands at the far end of the deck, leaning against the curved railing and staring out to sea. A soft breeze drifts across the deck and lifts the ends of her warm chestnut hair, giving me a glimpse at her bare back decorated with the straps of her top.

I approach her slowly, and as I reach her, a low hum rumbles through the entire yacht, signaling that the engines have been brought to life. Clearing my throat to announce myself, I lean on the railing next to her and tense up. I'm so close to her that I want to touch her, but overstepping a boundary is not on my list after today.

"Hey," I say softly.

Sabina doesn't look at me. Her hands clasp together with her elbows resting against the railing, and she grunts softly. "Hey. You made it back okay?"

"I did. My grandfather is slow and predictable. Not that I want to call him that anymore. Feels… weird."

"Did you ever call him that?" She finally turns her head to look at me.

"Sure. Out of respect, I guess. Even though we barely know each other, I knew enough to respect him. Misplaced now that I think about it. What about you? Are you okay? Valentina told me Illyana is stable and well."

"Yeah… yeah." She nods absently and casts her gaze back out to the infinite dark sea before us. "I'm happy about that. She seems like a good kid. A happy kid. It's… hard to imagine how she ended up like that when raised in a crazy world like this." She trails off slightly and the weight of more hangs in the air between us.

When she doesn't speak, I lightly nudge my shoulder against hers. "But?" I prompt.

"But…" A deep, weary sigh escapes her. "I felt nothing. I still feel nothing. Part of me thought that when we touched and had time together, everything inside me would unlock and I would feel all these motherly feelings. Like the instinct of being near my child would just claw its way up, happy to finally be acknowledged. But she held my hand in the helicopter and I felt… nothing. How fucked up is that?"

Ah. Now it makes sense.

I lean up from the railing and lightly touch her arm, then I skim my fingers down her forearm to her wrists. Her hands part at my touch and I slide my fingers between her palms until my hand aligns with hers. She curls her fingers slightly, and I interlace them with mine, then I use that grip and gently guide her away from the railing.

"I understand that you expected more," I say softly, leading her to the loungers that line the side of the pool. "But you have to understand that something like that isn't magic. Sure, to some people, that kind of parental instinct comes immediately, but for others, it needs to be nurtured. It doesn't make you any less of a parent any which way that it happens. And you're armored."

I sit across from her and cradle her hand between mine.

"Armored?"

"You had her snatched from you when you were so young, then you fought tooth and nail to find her and couldn't. You've built up walls and armor to protect yourself from pain, and that will take time to ease. But you first have to decide whether you even want it to. Given everything that's happened, you need time to consider what's best for you, as well as what's best for her."

Sabina's eyes narrow slightly and she tilts her head, sending waves of hair cascading over her shoulder. "Who are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You… you come into my life all sexy and gentle and then you come across the world to find me. You hear everything that happened to me, and rather than, I don't know, calling me crazy or calling the cops, you help me. And now we're on a yacht in the middle of the ocean with career criminals hunting me down and you sit there giving me advice like some kind of therapist." Her cheeks puff as she sighs. "Seriously… who are you?"

"I'm Cassian. I like yoga and health drinks. I like meditation and I have an excellent lung capacity."

"I'm serious." Sabina pulls her hand away from mine. "You're sitting here telling me to carefully think about what I want and soothing me about my lack of maternal instinct, but I don't even know who you really are. Other than your criminal grandfather."

"Well… being a criminal runs in the family. I was one too, for a while. Technically, I still am." There's no time like the present for the truth. "I'm one-fifth of an organization called The Suit. Each of us is voted into place by every major crime family in New York, not to be in control but to oversee and benefit the entire world of organized crime. In America, at least. We are the same Mafia that my grandfather runs, and from which the man who assaulted you all those years ago comes."

Sabina's eyes widen.

"But we're also not the same." I scoot forward to the edge of the lounger. "Think of us like a criminal government. We oversee everything. We keep the criminal underworld as fair as we can. Without us, there would be a bloodbath everywhere, everyone killing everyone in a desperate surge to get to the top, and there would be no living for anyone, criminal or civilian. The Suit takes care of that by ensuring the criminal underworld lives in harmony with everything else, the government included. Think of us as…" I pause and snort softly. "The CIA for criminals, I guess. We make sure that no one oversteps, that no one tries to overthrow those in power, that the little guy gets taken care of. We're like a carefully maintained dam that keeps the peace as much as possible so everyone can live safely. Sometimes, we take a hit so the cops look good or a senator looks great. Sometimes, they take a hit and turn a blind eye so the world keeps spinning. One thing we don't do, though, is turn away when something horrible is happening. Like you and your baby."

Sabina's face twists in confusion as she listens, and I brace myself for countless questions. Surprisingly, none come. She simply nods her head.

"So you're like the hall monitors of crime."

I stare at her for a few seconds and then bark out a laugh. "Yeah, uh… that's one way of looking at it. I've seen a lot of stuff over the years and I'm going to get to the bottom of what happened to you, Sabina. My main point of all this is, I guess, that something terribly traumatic happened to you and it's going to take time for you to work out how you feel. It's natural, I think, for you to feel nothing right now because you're guarded. You never got a chance to bond with your baby who is now a ten-year-old little girl. But it might come in time, if you want it to."