Page 35 of His to Own

He snorts. “We’re married. Nothing is too personal anymore.”

“Can we stop talking about this?”

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

I nod.

After a beat, Maxim sighs and drops his hand. “I was just trying to have fun with you. You don’t like to have fun all that often, do you?”

“I’m just… me. You married me because you wanted me. But I don’t know what you fully want from me.”

Maxim doesn’t give me an answer. His eyes flick over my shoulder. “What’s that?” He walks over to my desk and picks up my journal full of the poetry I’ve written. “Is this your diary? Have you written anything scandalous inside?” He opens it up.

Something inside me snaps.

I lunge forward and rip the diary from his hands and press it close to my chest. “This is private.”

“What do you have written in there?”

“I told you. It’s private.”

“But we’re married.”

“As you’ve said countless times now.”

He smirks. “What do you have written in there, Elena? Dirty things? Clearly it’s something you don’t want me to see.”

My poetry. All my most inner working thoughts. All the pain and struggles I’ve been through. The desires. The poem I wrote about Maxim. I can’t let him see this part of me. Not yet. Maybe never.

“Can’t you respect my privacy?” I ask.

He looks taken aback but then nods. “All right. You don’t want me reading it. But that only makes me more curious. What are you keeping in that big brain of yours?”

“Let’s just get my clothes.” I keep the diary close to my chest with one hand as I grab my clothes with the other. After a beat. Maxim helps me. Once we have all my clothes packed away in a suitcase, we head downstairs.

Lana is gone. “Where is Lana?” I ask my father, who only gives me a pinched expression.

“It was better for her to leave. You should be going now.” He turns his back to me and it makes me want to cry. I speak before I can stop myself.

“Why have you always hated me so much?” I ask.

His back tenses. “Just go, Elena.”

I can feel Maxim boring holes into my face but I don’t look at him as I leave the house. My mother doesn’t offer me a goodbye either. I keep it together the entire drive to Maxim’s house but the moment we step foot into the front foyer, I break down into tears.

I hate showing this side of myself to Maxim. It’s embarrassing. Weak.

He doesn’t say anything as he stands there. I can sense the discomfort in him. I guess all the times Maxim has spent with women, he’s never needed to comfort any of them when they cried. If any of them cried. More than likely, they were all having fun with him.

Unlike me.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asks.

His question startles me. It’s kind and sincere. “No,” I say, wiping at my tears. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”

“It has.” He clears his throat. “I… I should probably go see Nikolai. There are things we need to discuss now that you and I are married. I’ll leave you to get settled in the house.”

I gasp. “I have class tomorrow.” It’s just a strange feeling, knowing I need to get back to my normal life despite being a married woman now.