Page 124 of His to Own

“I want to accept you but…”

“But you’re still having doubts. After all this time? After I saved your life? After I took your virginity?”

I flinch. “I’m sorry, Maxim. What you just told me… it’s terrifying. You took your parents’ lives.”

“I know I did. But you also know I would never hurt you. I fought for you, Elena. I almost died for you. But you saved me. You could have let Aleksander kill me when he had the chance but you called out, warning me. You put yourself in danger for me. Why? Why do all of that if you can’t accept me?”

“Because I never wanted you to die. Despite my confusing feelings, I never wanted that. I want to have children with you. I want a life with you. But… but I know about the darkness inside of you. It still scares me at times.”

He lets my hand go and I feel a sense of disappointment rush through my body. “I can’t tell you to not be scared. I’ve already done it a hundred times by now. But I opened up to you because I trust you. I don’t like that you’re throwing it back in my face.” He stands up and turns his back to me.

I open my mouth to speak but just like before, no words come out. I feel like we’ve stepped right back into the past instead of the future I thought we could build.

I want to tell Maxim that I’m sorry. But he just told me he murdered his parents. I’m not surprised and yet, I am.

“I have more work to do,” he says, still with his back to me. “I need to find Aleksander. I can’t have him coming for you again. Decide what you want to do about your poetry reading. But I’ll be there, supporting you. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” He walks away without a look in my direction.

Tears prick at my eyes. I stare down at my poetry journal and open it to one of my poems. It’s one I wrote after my father said I was an utter disappointment to him. The pain is written all over the page.

Maxim said I’m responsible for my own happiness. I can choose it or I can run from it.

I have to accept my husband for all of him if I’m going to be fully his. He can control me. Force me. But he can’t truly claim all of me unless I give in. I’m halfway there.

I just have to jump the rest of the way.

My throat is choked up as I arrive at my parents’ house. Lana was easy. I called and invited her to my poetry reading and she happily agreed to come. But now I have to invite my parents and Adriana. I know it’s what needs to happen but I am dreading it with every fiber in my being.

My hand shakes as I knock on the door.

It’s my mother who answers. “Elena? What are you doing here?”

“Is… is Father home?”

“He’s at work.”

“Oh.”

She hesitates before opening the door wider. “Do you want to come in?”

“Can I?”

“You are my daughter.” But possibly not my father’s.

Mother and I settle on the couch. The perfect white couch. No spills. No stains. We were never allowed to eat on the couch. Honestly, we were never allowed to sit on the couch much. Mother said it was more for decoration that comfort. That always confused Adriana. She’d go on and on about what’s the point of having a couch if you can’t sit on it.

I perch on the very edge, still afraid of getting it dirty.

“So… how have things been?” Mother asks. “Since… since…”

“I was kidnapped?” I ask flatly.

She flinches slightly. “Yes. That.”

“Well, given that Maxim saved me, I’m all right. Things between him and I… are better.” Though, after what he told me last night, I’m not so sure.

“That’s good. I’m glad. I didn’t want you to be in pain, Elena. You have to believe that. I always want what’s best for my girls.”

I want to snap at her that criticizing everything we’ve done is not helping but I can’t get the words out.