Page 104 of A Deal with the Devil

“Let me guess, right before you stole from me?”

She nodded, feeling wretched. Lighter for having spoken it, but also wretched. “My aunt had just pushed my sister in front of a carriage to gain the attention of a single gentleman. She damaged her knee, I think permanently, but it could have been so much worse. And then Lord Portsmouth started to pay her calls and I knew it would get so much worse. I was running out of places to hide her. I’m sorry,” she said. “For what it’s worth.”

“Would you do it again?”

She sighed. “I don’t know.”

“To save your sister?”

“Probably,” she said. “Do you see? I’m not a good person, Rhys.”

He kept her pinned when she tried to look away. “You’re a good sister.”

“Not a good friend.”

“You made a mistake,” he said. “I’ve made a hundred.”

“Are you admitting that you’re not perfect?”

“I’ll deny it if you tell anyone.”

“I…I’ll understand if that…changes things between us. I forced your hand as it was.”

He smiled again, dark and indulgent. “Is that what you think? That you forced my hand?”

“I blackmailed you as well, if you’ll recall.” He made a scoffing sound. She stared at him, a needle of outrage piercing through her guilt. “Are you mocking my blackmail?”

“Sweetheart, if I didn’t want to help you, I wouldn’t have.”

She scowled. “Excuse me, I stole from the Devil. No one else has managed that, thank you very much.”

“That’s true. It did get my attention.” His eyes hardened. “And I suppose you owe me an apology.”

“I’m…sorry?”

“Oh, I think we can do better than that.” He bit her earlobe.

“Rhys.”

“Yes?”

“I… How can you still…”

He caught her gaze, kept it. She felt naked, exposed. “Kitty, I was on the Continent for too many years. My men and I didn’t march with the others. We didn’t fight on the battlefield; we didn’t wear gold braid and medals. We did the things no gentleman would consider doing. And we did it in exchange for thousands not being lost in battles that might not need to be fought. Was it right? Fair? Just?” He didn’t look away. She stroked down his spine as he talked, wanting to touch him. To offer comfort. “I couldn’t tell you. I lost men, but I kept more alive than I lost, and in the end it had to be enough. We were unprepared, untrained. The officers in charge were gentlemen with titles, like me, who didn’t know a maneuver from their own arse. I just wanted to get people home.”

She kept touching him, down his back, the hair at his nape. “I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry for all of you.”

“I chose my fate,” he said. “I was young and stupid and only wanted to infuriate my father. After a particularly bad quarrel, I purchased a commission. And I left my brother behind.”

Kitty swallowed. “Your father…”

“Was not a good man. The Rochesters are not easy men. I knew, but even I underestimated it. I was at war, but so was Tom, at thirteen, and he received no medals for it. So I know about feeling remorse,” he added. “Regret. And I also know that if you let it eat at you, it will never be satisfied until it has swallowed you whole. The only thing you can do is do better.” He raised an eyebrow. “Or open a gaming hell.”

“Will a naughty bookshop do?”

“Might. But you still want to be punished,” he said. “And I just want you to have everything you need. Let me take care of you.”

“Why?”

“Because no one else does,” he said severely. “And because it would be my fucking privilege.”