Page 28 of Hating On Riot

Me: No news is good news?

Sean: That’s the one.

Me: Sorry it took so long to respond.

Sean: No worries. We all live busy lives, don’t we?

Me: I haven’t. Just lately.

Sean: Hold up. I hear a heavy sigh in that last text.

Me: You’re right. Text has a tone.

Sean: I’m here for you.

He sends me a caring emoji. I smile and snuggle deeper under the covers.

Me: TY

Sean: Have you ever felt alone when with friends or in a crowd?

Me: Do you?

I feel the loneliest when I’m at home, even when my brothers are there, but I felt overjoyed to be at the rugby team’s practice with Ever and Gwen, sharing the experience with the crowd over something as brutal as guys fighting one another over a ball.

It wasn’t just about the game. It was about seeing the way Riot and his teammates worked together. Together, they created a friendship and shared experiences they’ll think back on for a long time. Maybe forever. I haven’t had that.

My life is compartmentalized into my classes, my friends, my brothers, my mom and Fred, and little Christopher back in Alexandria, and Cooper. There is no togetherness, no camaraderie of the magnitude of a sports team.

Sean: All the fucking time.

Sean: I want to be elsewhere. Where I’m seen. Where I’m wanted.

Me: Even when you’re in a crowd that worships you?

Sean: Why’d you say that?

Me: You said you’re someone big. I figured you’re an athlete. Jocks are gods at DU.

Sean: More so in that situation.

Sean: BTW, you have a great memory.

Me: I don’t

I admit.

Me: I was rereading our texts. You’re a funny guy.

Sean: Thank you. My ex liked that about me.

Me: Plan on taking a seat and letting me be your therapist.

Me: First, riddle me this.

Me: Why feel alone in your particular crowd when you’re seen and very wanted?

Me: I would think you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.