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I shrug. What am I supposed to say to that? Joy winces and turns back. She opens it, gun drawn. Cirail is inside, still alive. The fighters haven't reached his room yet. Cold sweat breaks down my neck. This was a bad idea. I shouldn't be here. I take a step back, but instead of attacking, Cirail just stares at us, eyes glazed over. He's standing in the middle of his room, leaning so far to his right he looks like he's about to topple over any moment.

He blinks a couple of times, his bleary green eyes finding me. “Hey, little toy!” He giggles. “Come here, let's play! Play! Play!”

Of course, after tonight’s party, his brain is too fried for him to process anything. The gunshots must have woken him, then I guess he just stood there. What an idiot. I have nothing against weed, I smoked my fair share as a teen. But even I wouldn’t be stupid enough to get wasted with a delegation within my walls.

“Should I kill him?” Joy asks Anne.

A cold sense of rage washes over me. “No, wait,” I blurt out without thinking.

I can feel all their eyes on me, but right now, I don’t care. I’m used to being the center of attention anyway. I walk up to Cirail, cocking my head to the side. “You have no idea what’s going on, do you?”

Cirail seems to find that hilarious. “Idea? Why bother with ideas when we can play?” He bursts out laughing.

“Yeah, let’s play.” My mouth contorts into a hateful sneer as my fist collides with his nose, breaking it on impact with a satisfying crack.

Blood is gushing from his nose and into his mouth, but he’s still cackling. I can’t stand to look at his fucking face any longer. I’m going to fucking shut him up, and I’ll make sure he doesn't find that part funny.

Ignoring the pain in my side, I jump and tackle him to the ground. He loses his balance and collapses. I straddle him, punching his face again and again, but the fucker just keeps laughing. He wants more? I’ll give him more. I get up and stomp my foot against his mouth as hard as I can. Teeth splinter under the sole of my stupid pointy shoe. I can’t tell whether the gurgled sounds Cirail is still making are laughs or not, and I don’t care. I feel powerful for the first time in forever, and I’m not about to stop. I bring my foot down again, pulverizing his nose. Again. His jaw cracks. Again. This time, it’s his skull that starts to give. His left eye is bleeding. I think I must have punctured it. Good. A few more stomps, and his cranium shatters. Blood seeps into the stone floor as glops of brain matter cling to my shoe. Still, I don’t stop. I stomp his stupid face again and again until my leg hurts, and then some more. My foot is covered in gore, and there’s nothing left of Cirail’s head other than a bloody pulp.

I blink, the world slowly coming back into focus as I realize what I’ve done. My heart rises to my throat, my chest constricting. I don’t feel guilty for killing the fucker, but what does that mean for me now? Nasir hates violence. Surely I can forget all those nice things he said about being there for me when we get back to Elign now. He’ll never want to be anywhere near me ever again. And what about Anne? She said I was a hero, but she must think I’m a monster now. What if she decides the council doesn't want someone like me back in the village? I’m such a fucking idiot.

My legs start shaking, and I fall to my knees. I don’t know what to do. I can’t turn around and look at them, see the horror and disgust in their eyes. I can’t.

A hand lands on my shoulder, gentle and kind. Nasir.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He rubs circles over my back. “It’s over. He’s dead, he can’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe. You’re safe, and we’re going home, okay? Together.”

“Together,” I repeat, reaching for his hand. He’s still kind to me. He’s not disgusted. I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe.

Chapter 7

Nasir Ahmad

As soon as we cross Elign’s gate, everyone is fussing over us. They want to know what happened, whether we beat the Raiders, and what they did to us. Anne and Joy answer their questions as best they can—at least the non-invasive ones—while I make my way to the medical center with Reno.

There, it’s my Mira and our colleagues’ turn to fret over us, but at least they focus on making sure we’re safe and healthy enough instead of prying for morbid details.

“I’m so glad you’re safe.” Mira hugs me. “I was so scared.”

I return her hug. “Me too. I was starting to think I’d never see you again.”

I reluctantly let go. “Can you look at Reno? He was there much longer than me, and they took his kidney.”

“Of course.” Reno tenses when she tries to get him to lie on a cot, his eyes darting around as if looking for an escape route.

I take his hand. “Hey, Reno? Are you with me?”

“I… yeah, sorry.” His eyes come back into focus. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Yeah?” I smile at him. “Can you lay down for me and let Mira take a look at you? I’ll be right there on the cot beside yours the whole time, okay?”

Reno shakes his head as if chasing some thoughts away. “Yeah, yeah, sure.” He lies down on the cot, still stiff. “I’m fine.”

“Thank you.” Mira smiles at him. “If you need me to stop at any time, or to explain what I’m doing better, all you have to do is ask. I’m here to help you.”

I lie on the cot next to his and let another nurse, Guillaume, examine me. As I expected, we’re both malnourished and dehydrated, and the whipping will cause some scarring, but there’s no major injuries to worry about. Even Reno’s missing kidney and my missing patella shouldn't cause any important issues with proper care.

Speaking of which …