Page 146 of Until the Last Star Fades

“Let’s get out of here.” Ben’s hand grasped Riley’s and led her away from the discount airline’s check-in desk.

A twisted sense of déjà vu unsettled her. They were in a different airport—Newark, not LaGuardia where they had met—but Ben was wearing almost the exact same layers: the slim jacket (so ill-suited for winter!), his favorite purple hoodie, a flannel shirt, baggy jeans almost abandoning his butt. Even his right hand was injured, albeit wrapped in a cast instead of a bloody bandage. In seven months, Ben’s outward appearance and taste in clothes hadn’t really changed, but the way Riley saw him now couldn’t be more different. What you see on the outside, never tells the true story of someone’s heart.

“What did you get? Aisle or window?” Riley bit her lip. Be brave. Be CHEERY. Don’t be that red-faced girl bawling at departures.

Ben yawned. “Middle.”

“Nooo! The worst!”

Ben paused a few feet away from the entrance to security. Tired and sore, his abdomen ached from their passionate morning and afternoon. He looked up at the clock above the departures board. “Oh, before I forget…” He let go of her hand and slipped Riley’s going-away present, her much-loved Strand Bookstore tote, off his shoulder, rooting past his carefully packed a-ha record and two black-and-white cookies to pull out a plastic bag. “For you. A ‘see you soon’ prezzie.”

It’s too firm to be Fun Dip. “You just put a four hundred-dollar airline ticket on your maxed-out card. You can’t afford gifts!” She smiled and reached into the bag, pulling out a thin book: The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street by Helene Hanff.

“Oh, babe, you shouldn—” She stopped herself. “Wait…did you steal this?”

“No! I didn’t—honest!” Ben laughed and adjusted the backpack on his shoulder. “I saw it on an outdoor cart at the Strand. I bought it back in August and was saving it for Christmas but…”

Riley admired the book’s worn cover. “That makes it even more special—thank you.”

“Your good habits have rubbed off on me. No more stealing, even if I’m hungry…or sockless.” He kissed her on the head and lowered both the tote and his backpack to the floor. “You’ve already read 84 Charing Cross Road—this is the sequel. It’s when she finally gets to London, something I hope you’ll do soon, too.” His eyes flitted up to the departure board again.

Ben’s worried glance felt like a kick to Riley’s gut. “It’s time?”

His smile dimmed. “Bugger, yeah. I still have to get through security.” He picked at the end of his cast like a nervous little boy. “Riley…”

“I’m not ready.” She hugged Ben’s gift, halting breaths and suppressed sobs tightening her chest.

“I don’t know how to do this…” He reached for her hand, his voice shaky. “Leaving you…”

“I don’t want you to go.” Riley lunged, throwing her arms around him. She hid her face in his neck, choking back tears. “How will I get up each morning knowing it will be a day without you in it?”

He squeezed her tighter and rocked back and forth. “You will. You did before and you will again…for a little while, anyway. You’re stronger than you think, Hope.” Despite his best efforts, hot tears slipped underneath his eyelashes and down his cheeks.

She clutched him so tight, her knuckles paled. “I-I…can’t.”

“Beautiful Riley,” he whispered, his hand smoothing her hair as he kissed her temple. “I’m still yours. It’ll just be different until we sort things. I’ll text and call, you’ll see—I’ll be a right bloody nuisance.”

Just when I’ve found you…you go. She cried into his chest. Who would listen now? Who would understand her? Her mom was amazing, but some things you don’t tell your mother. Piper was several time zones away. Casey, while a dear friend, wasn’t the best listener…not like Ben. “It’s not the same as you being here.”

“I know.” Ben blinked quickly, but the tears wouldn’t stop. “But, I’ll be with you”—he pulled back slightly, placing his hand gently over her heart—“here, cheering you on, loving you with every breath.”

My Brit boy. “I love you…so…much.” Shaking, she could barely get the words out.

“Copycat. I said it first.” His tear-soaked grin looked like it pained him. “You are my first, my always.” Ben caressed her cheek and claimed her mouth for a kiss that melted into something more…a promise, perhaps, that this embrace wasn’t the end.

Riley’s fingers laced through his hair, digging in, keeping him close. Remember this, remember everything. Memories might be all we have left.

They kissed and held each other until a shrill announcement for Ben’s final boarding call broke them apart.

I’m not ready! Oh, God. Her hands slipped from his hair down his arms, her right hand grasping his left, refusing to let go. “Ben…”

He leaned his forehead against Riley’s and whispered, “When you feel sad, just close your eyes and remember, ’kay? And we’ll be together again.” Ben squeezed her hand and released it, picking up his backpack and tote. “I’ll text you when I land.” He wiped his cheeks and backed away, ducking behind the security wall with a hand raised in farewell.

Riley stood there for several minutes, drowning in tears, hoping Ben might pop back for another kiss or hug, but he didn’t.

You are my last, my always…

• • •