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“No.”
Freddie leaned in. “But if something happens…if her lupus gets worse, you’ll feel awful.”
Alex opened up a new box of ponchos. “I know…she was like a mom to me, but it’s awkward now. Ditch the guy, keep the mom? Don’t think so.”
“Awks but not impossible,” said Freddie.
“Maybe in a few months, I’ll reevaluate but…” She shrugged.
“Lex, I don’t want to come off all I had cancer and now I know what’s important because I don’t. I’m still figuring things out, but I do know that there’s no time for regrets or putting things off. That’s why I came out a day after my diagnosis—there was no way I was going to die in the closet. Life gives you no guarantees. You never know when that bus will hit you or cancer will show up.”
“Do you worry a lot? About it coming back?”
“The worry—the threat—is always there, like your panic attacks. In my own silly way, I look at cancer like a crazy-ass ex who might knock at my door out of the blue. I just hope he’s lost my address and I never hear from the bastard again.”
Alex bumped his arm. “Your crazy-ass ex might kill you. At worst, I might faint when mine shows up. They’re hardly the same.”
Freddie chuckled. “We all have our terrors, Lex. That’s why I love hard and make merry every day…even if some people think I’m OTT. Today isn’t a dress rehearsal for tomorrow. Do things now. Live in the moment—don’t worry about what’s ahead.”
A sentiment she knew too well floated through her mind: Hop on, hold tight, and remember to enjoy the ride. She swallowed, not prepared to give Mark credit. “My therapist said something similar, said living in the moment will ease my anxiety.”
“See? Great minds!” He widened his eyes. “That’s why I asked Si to marry me after four months of dating. I love him. Why wait?” He paused. “I know you and Mark had talked about it…”
Alex looked up from her envelopes.
“He told me, Lex, and I told him to pull his finger out, but you know Mark—work, work, work…” Freddie shrugged. “I don’t blame you for leaving him. Your split broke my heart, though.”
“Have you seen him much?”
“You want me to go there?”
She inhaled deeply and nodded.
“Well, now that the play’s over, he’s back living at my place, so…yeah. And we have been out, a few times…” He pushed up his glasses, gauging Alex’s reaction before finishing his answer. “I don’t want to hurt you—”
“I asked. Whatever you’re going to say, I can handle it.”
Freddie swallowed. “Mark and Fallon are seeing each other.”
Her stomach flipped. The unspeakable, spoken.
“I give them credit though…” Freddie grabbed several bang-bang sticks. “New Year’s Eve aside, they didn’t hook up until earlier this month, up in Manchester.”
“Right…”
“At least nothing more happened until you were broken up and living separately, and to be honest, it’s Fallon who’s all in…”
Alex looked up from her pile of filled envelopes. “Why? Did Mark say that to you?”
“No…just a feeling I have.” He shifted in his chair and looked away. “Lex, I’m sorry. I wish he was still with you.”
“I wish he didn’t still mean so much to me.” She bowed her head. “It wasn’t meant to be.”
“But we are, right?” Freddie shifted closer, ducking down to look into her eyes hidden beneath her bangs. “I might be a constant reminder of Mark, but I promise I won’t talk about him or tell him what we talk about. We’re okay…aren’t we?”
Alex hugged him. “‘Course we are. I might have moments when I just can’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Freds. I know this hasn’t been easy, stuck in the middle.”
“Tightrope walking…” He smiled over her shoulder. “…one of my many talents.” He pulled back. “Perhaps you can work on Lucy, though? She’s still freezing me out. Both Moriarty and I are blocked on Insta. I even started unboxing collectables on my YouTube channel, hoping to grab her attention, but nope.”
