Page 17

Whatever happened back there had been too intimate, too close, too confusing. Too much like that night…

I shook my head and forced those thoughts down. Deep down. With that fucked-up part of me that wondered what things could be like if I were different. And by the time I was grabbing the handle to the door that read “sequoia,” I was finally feeling a bit more like myself. The me I was trying my fucking damnedest to be…

Confident, good-looking, sure of himself. The type of guy other guys wanted to be, not the type they wanted to be with.

I’d just started unpacking my shit, shoving a few pairs of clean socks into the chest of drawers attached to the lower bunk when Alvin came strutting in. His bleached hair, dyed icy blue to match the blue-and-yellow camp logo, still clinging to his forehead and that smirk he seemed to wear permanently tipping up one side of his mouth. I hadn’t realized that was why he’d dyed it until now. But I should have known. If there was one thing Alvin saw as a priority, it was coordinating his outfits—and that included the sticker-book tattoos on his arms—with his hair color.

He looked at where I was dropping my shoes under the bed and shrugged as he tossed his damp towel over one side of the top bunk, before crouching down to grab his bag. “Always knew you were a secret bottom.”

“Stop that,” I barked at him.

“Stop what?” He blinked up at me. That stupid, confused look on his face.

It was a mix between someone whose puppy was just kicked and someone who had your balls in their hands and was a few seconds away from twisting. It was a look I’d never seen on anyone else but him. Considering very few people could balance vulnerability and sarcasm as well as Alvin could.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” I told him.

“No, I don’t, so why don’t ya enlighten me?” He stood to his full height, his chin nearly level with mine. Like I said, I’d already noticed he wasn’t all that much shorter than me anymore.

Alvin crossed his arms over his chest. I kept mine at my sides, my fists balling in frustration. All different sorts of frustration. To the point I didn’t know which one had me the most worked up at the moment.

“I’m not like you,” I reminded him. “Stop fucking suggesting that I am.”

“Like me?” He pressed a dramatic hand to his bare chest. Drawing my attention to where some water droplets were slowly dripping between his pecs. His muscles more defined since he was that scrawny kid I remembered chasing around the backyard. Definitely masculine but with a softness to him too. “You mean devilishly handsome?” he asked while cocking a hip out.

“No—”

“Oh, so you must mean supremely talented? A fashion icon? Or do you mean the cock that most horses are jealous of?” He stepped forward. I took a step back to keep some distance between us. He dropped a hand on my shoulder anyway, giving me a few quick placating taps. “It’s okay, DeeDee. Don’t sell yourself short. Keeping that broody boy charm is definitely a talent… of sorts.”

I swiped his hand off me. “That’s not what I meant either.”

“Go on and say it, then.”

“I’m not fucking gay, Alvin,” I grunted.

“Never said you were, Darius.” He used my full name again, and it unnerved me. Just like it had in the chow hall. I didn’t know why, but it did. “You could be bi,” he added under his breath before turning around.

“I’m not fucking bi!”

“Finally something we can agree on,” he said as he continued unpacking his shit from his bag.

I yanked a couple of blankets off the bed, along with the camp-issued pillow, and stomped towards the cabin door with my backpack strap slung over a shoulder.

“Where the fuck are you going?” Alvin yelled after me.

“To sleep out on the porch.”

“You’re gonna get bitten up by mosquitos.”

“Better than listening to your ass snore all night,” I countered.

“You’re the one who snores, asshole!”

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who wakes me up to complain about it.”

“Fine. I didn’t wanna share a room with a murderer anyway!”

Not this again! Twenty fucking years old and we were still arguing like we were high schoolers. Still dishing out accusations that had no substance behind them. Still too fucking blind to see the truth in front of us…