Page 126 of Beautiful Place By the Sea

I wanted to confront him, but Janie urged me to wait. Maybe it was his sister, she suggested. Maybe it was a misunderstanding.

I don’t understand how it could be a misunderstanding. I’ve given myself to him completely, and he led me to believe he had plans to propose. I’m either the most gullible woman in New England, or perhaps he’s just a master at tricking women into sleeping with him.

My eyes flick up to my father, who’s taken the seat across from me at the table. He’s watching me read the pages, a look of nervous anticipation on his face.

“I hate this guy,” I say.

“Me too.” He purses his lips. “Unfortunately, it gets worse.”

I turn the page.

August 15, 1953

I saw him again tonight. I’ve been avoiding him since the night he was out with Sarah—that’s her name, I discovered. I’ve wanted nothing more than to approach him and demand answers, but Janie continues to insist that classy ladies don’t do that—they just act haughty and superior and stop seeing the man forever.

I suppose my mother would suggest I’m no classy lady, given my behavior up to this point. I’m so ashamed.

August 19, 1953

It occurs to me that not long ago, I was concerned about my mother finding this diary and learning something as basic as my paramour’s name. Lately, I’ve been describing all sorts of lewd things.

I laugh out loud at the notion that anything Eleanor’s been writing is particularly lewd. If only she knew how culture would change over the next six decades. I read on.

In any case, this next bit is something I really shouldn’t be committing to the page, but I need to get it out. Maybe that will help me to feel better.

My monthly courses are later than usual, and I’m starting to grow worried that my nights on the cliffs might have a more lasting impact than I’d hoped. I’ve only told Janie so far, but she wasn’t much help. We’re not anywhere near our doctor, being on vacation, and I don’t have the money to pay for an appointment regardless.

I’ve started keeping this little book under my mattress, wrapped inside an old pillowcase. If my parents were to find it, I can’t even imagine what would happen.

August 25, 1953

Charlie saved me today. My body is changing; I can tell. The signs are becoming more clear with every passing day.

I met him after his shift at his family’s store and broke down completely. He held me while I cried, then kissed my hair and promised he’d help me. That I wasn’t alone.

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a true and loyal friend, but I am forever grateful for his kindness.

August 27, 1953

Charlie brought me to a doctor in town today. He made sure to wait in the lobby the whole time so I didn’t feel so alone. He also paid the fee and refused my offer to repay him when I was able. “You’re my best friend, Ellie,” he’d said. “I’m here for you always.”

In any case, the doctor confirmed what I already feared. He even suggested it might be twins. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I suppose I’ll have to track down the man who’s broken my heart and tell him the truth so that he can make this right.

August 29, 1953

Today was the worst day of my life. I found him; he was with Sarah again. I asked for a moment to speak with him privately. She cast daggers at me the whole time, but eventually he agreed to talk with me.

I tried to make the situation sound like an opportunity. We’d had so much fun together, I reminded him. We could have a great life together, and raise our child in a loving family.

He wasn’t interested. He apologized for putting me in this situation, but he said he couldn’t be tied down. I asked if this was because of Sarah. When he said no, that’s when I knew.

I was never anything to him. Neither is she. He’s just using young women for a good time, then going home to his real life, whatever that is. I’m so ashamed that I was misled to such a great extent.

The conversation didn’t go well. I burst into tears when he refused me, then I resorted to begging. He just repeated over and over again that he can’t be a family man.

Finally, he offered me $50. I took it, then threw it into the ocean while he watched.

I guess that’s all I was worth to him in the end. $50 and a good time.