Page 83 of These Wicked Hearts

“You don’t have an ego.” I laugh. “You just don’t seem as focused as you were last year.”

As soon as the words come out, I want to take them back.

“What? Gage. What are you saying to me right now?”

“Can we just not.”

“You watched my games! Are you joking right now? Oh my god. I’m feeling a little smothered by your obsession with me. It’s a little pathetic.”

“I just watched some clips from last season, okay. It’s not a big deal.”

“You like me!”

“No. I was wondering why the Vipers even signed you and if there’d ever been a moment you were good at hockey.”

“Ouch. Damn. My heart is breaking. I wish you were here to nurse it better.”

“I’m the one hurting it.”

“I know, it’s very confusing for my brain, yes.”

“You were okay tonight. You just seemed sluggish,” I say more quietly. “You’re so fast, but your reaction time needs work.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m having a hard time.”

“With what?”

“I don’t know. This whole thing. The change of it. I miss my friends. More than I thought I would, in ways I didn’t even realize.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean, I knew I’d miss them, but I didn’t realize I’d miss them here on the ice. I keep thinking about us as a group, and I knew them better then I knew myself. It made playing easier, and I’m having a hard time finding that groove again.

I sit with that for a moment. “I was only joking, okay. You played fine, it just seemed like something was wrong.”

“I love hockey a lot. I just wish I could love it here. But I haven’t gotten there yet. It’s not all bad, though. I went out tonight with a couple of guys from the team. It was a lot of fun. I’m trying to put myself out there more.”

“Oh yeah? You went out?”

“I had a good time.”

I don’t like the way that feels in my stomach. Not that I don’t want him to have fun while he’s out, he deserves it, but still, that little feeling in my gut is not fun. I don’t want to, but I have to ask. “Have you met up with anyone?”

“Met up?”

“You know, to like . . . you know.”

“You mean have I fucked anyone?” He laughs as if that’s a ridiculous thing to ask. While I researched a little game play, I also came across thread after thread of hockey players notoriously cheating on their wives. It’s a common practice it seems. I had to think logically. I mean rock-star reputations are no better I suppose. Besides, why does it even matter? Good for him if he went out and found someone. Great even.

I swallow that lie down.

“Why, would that make you jealous?”

“No!”

“Kind of sounds like you’re jealous.”

“I’m not. Just wear a condom, that’s all.”