Page 149 of These Wicked Hearts

“Bad news?”

“You left Jim breathing.” He looks at me. I’m surprised. “Sorry. Everything is just sinking in now. The adrenaline. Are you okay?”

“I mean, no.”

He nods. “Good news is that Melissa and Leon are getting ahead of it. And at the end of the day, you punched a sexual predator. It’s the first time I think the headlines will have the words ‘predator’ and ‘hockey player’ in the same sentence and have that be a positive headline.”

I snort.

“Sorry, bad joke. True, but bad.”

“This is a fucking mess. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s not like people will hold that against you. They’re contacting Coach for us, thank fuck, and we’ll need to answer any questions they have, but it’ll be okay.”

My knee begins to bounce. “I should’ve known, Knox.”

“You couldn’t have known.”

“I was there; I saw him. I saw it that morning that dick came to the apartment, and I fucking left him there.” He’s nobody. The words play back, but now I realize why he said it. He knew where to hurt me. And I left him there with a predator. “I feel fucking sick.” My voice cracks.

My head sinks into my hands, and I feel his hand squeeze the back of my neck. “You couldn’t have known, Atlas.”

“He was hurting the entire time, and I just left him there.”

I feel an arm around me and lift my head to see Knox by my side. “Listen to me,” he says softly. “You are not responsible for not knowing shit others aren’t ready to tell you.” He squeezes my shoulder. “You couldn’t have known.”

I swallow hard. “He looked terrified that morning, and I was too fucking concerned with my own hurt to make sense of it. I felt like something was wrong and I fucking left him there.”

“Because he pushed you away.”

I understand he’s trying to help, but there’s nothing he can do or say right now. Maybe nothing will ever be enough. I left him there, and I shouldn’t have.

“You still love him, right?”

I laugh. “Stupid question.”

A faint smile appears on Knox’s face. “I knew it was.” He squeezes my shoulder. My chest aches. All I can think about is Gage’s face and the way he grabbed my hand as I was pulled away after I punched Jim.

That tiny squeeze. It was like he couldn’t let go.

Knox’s phone vibrates. He ignores it until it goes to voicemail, but then it starts up again. “For fuck’s sake.” He grabs his phone, swiping it. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“Already making the rounds, but Melissa insisted they’re doing damage control.

An unexpected laugh bubbles out of me.

“What’s so fucking funny?”

“Nothing.” I sigh. “Crazy fucking night.” Crazy fucking year. “I’m exhausted.” Reality starts to sink in, and all I’m worried about is Gage, and the look in his eyes when he saw me. I wonder where he is right now?

“Are you staying over?”

I don’t think I have the energy to even move, and I don’t want to be alone right now. I don’t trust myself right now. “Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

“Whatever you need. I told you. I’m no Oli or Grey . . .” That makes me laugh. “But I want to be your friend.”