Page 138 of These Wicked Hearts

“Want me to tell you a secret?”

I shrug.

“I hate that everyone hates me.” I lift my head, sitting up at that. “I never meant to hurt your friend,” he says quietly. “I never mean to hurt anyone. But people think I’m the villain now, so . . .” He shrugs, lifting his head and sitting up straight. “I play the part.” For the first time since I met him, he just looks tired. “I’m really lonely, Atlas.”

“But I mean . . . you’re married. Isn’t that like having a contract with your best friend? How can you be lonely?”

His expression softens immediately, a slow smile on his face. “Things aren’t always black and white, Atlas.” A small smile slips onto his lips. “Sometimes they’re lavender.”

“What do⁠—”

He silences me with his hand, holding it up. “That’s all I’ll say about that.” He lifts his soda and takes another drink.

Rome’s words follow me from the restaurant. I’m happy I went with him. The desire to drink has faded, but the ache is still there. I’m upset, but I don’t want to ruin my life or the sobriety I’ve worked so hard to maintain. The anger is gone, and all I’m left with is this deep ache in my chest.

I startle seeing someone at my door, and I think for a moment it’s Gage.

Then I recognize Chen.

“Uh, hey.” I want to run, but since he’s in front of my door, I move him aside and let us both in. “Is everything okay?”

He looks around my apartment, shaking his head. I don’t know him, but if Gage were in danger, I’m sure he would lead with that instead of casually looking around my place. “Can I get you a drink? I only have water and seltzer.”

“Do you know why I’m here?”

“Uh, no.” I look up at him, and I’m just out of anything to say. “Is Gage okay?”

“No.” My head snaps up. “Just listen, please, and keep an open mind while you do.”

I sit at my counter, too tired to stand. “Um, okay.”

“I think something’s happening and I want to tell you what, and I need you to just listen to me.”

“Okay . . .”

“I’ve had my suspicions for a while that something’s going on with Gage. He won’t talk to me about it, but I feel like something is wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think . . .” He shakes his head. “I think our manager is somehow manipulating Gage, but I don’t know how. I don’t have any proof, it’s just that I know him and lately he’s like a shell of who he really is. He wanted a break and that’s fine, but Gage doesn’t need a break from music. The politics of it yeah, sure, we all do, but Gage lives and breathes music yet he’s barely even played or written anything.”

I think about that guy this morning. “Is his name Jim?”

Chen’s eyes snap up. “Yeah? How do you know that? Has he talked to you? Do you know what’s⁠—”

“Whoa, slow down, okay. No, I don’t know who the fuck he is. He was there this morning.” And Gage kicked me out. I don’t say that, though. There’s no point.

Chen drags a hand through his hair, pacing before turning back to me.

“He kicked you out, didn’t he?” The fact that he knows that makes my stomach twist. I cross my arms tight across my chest and nod slightly. “Was he an asshole when he did it?” Oh, you have no fucking idea. Instead, I just nod again.

A cold feeling creeps up my spine. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Jim’s had his claws in Gage for years now.” He purses his lips. “At first, I thought okay, maybe it’s normal manager stuff. Gage is our leader. Scheduling, PR, shit like that. Over this last year, though, I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “It’s gotten weird.”

I sit down at the counter, not trusting my legs to keep me standing. “Weird how?”

“He’s like, isolating him,” Chen says. “Controls who he talks to. Tries to get him alone. Jim likes to call meetings but tries to make them only with Gage. Tells us we don’t really need to be there. Then when we insist on being there, Gage talks us out of it. It feels desperate. Like he’s desperately trying to stop us from finding something out.