Page 80 of Midnight Ink

Ian’s blue eyes lock with mine. For years I’ve been drawn to him. When we first met it was his talent, his artistry, watching the way he worked and moved through the shop. He’s younger than me, but I’ve always been so impressed with how hard he works. I looked up to him. He made me want to be a better artist. I’ve slowly fallen for him over the years, and until last night I didn’t realize how deep my feelings went.

I’m a patient man; I’ll never rush him. I just need to know it’s possible. “No.” His eyes stay locked on mine. “I don’t.” He smiles. “Last night was perfect. You’re perfect.”

“Then what are you doing out here instead of in bed with me? It’s warm in there.” I open the blanket. “Warm in here too.” I wink. Warmer in my arms. Breathing his scent. Moaning my name with my face between his thighs. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”

Ian picks at the sleeves of my hoodie. “Do you know how good you smell? Like all the time. Warm like vanilla, and fresh like rain. It drives me crazy.” He lifts the collar to his nose. “I have to admit, I thought last night would scratch this itch.”

“No?”

“No.” He gives me a lopsided smile. “Pretty sure it only made the hunger worse.”

“Talk to me. What’s going on?”

He’s quiet for a bit and I let him gather his thoughts. “I’m fucked up.” His voice cracks. I pull myself closer and tug his chair to me between my legs. “I don’t want to be like this, but I can’t stop. This guilt inside me. I don’t understand it. I can’t make sense of my head. I hate it. It’s like this barrier in my brain.”

“Talk to me. Work through whatever you need to. I’m not going anywhere.”

Ian smiles sadly for a moment. “You know what pisses me off?”

“What?”

“Maddox wouldn’t have taken this long to get over me.” Glassy-eyed, he looks away. “I know he wouldn’t have. He didn’t believe in ghosts and spirits or anything after this. Honestly, he’d be pissed at the way I’ve wasted my time.” He scrubs a hand down his face. “He’d have a new boyfriend. The shop would be thriving. I’m a fucking loser.”

“Hey. No you’re not.” I grab the edge of his chair and pull him against me. The loud scrape on the balcony wakes me the fuck up, but I pull him closer, his legs still tucked up onto the chair while he hugs his knees. “You miss him. That’s okay.”

“It’s been seven fucking years, Jules. I feel just the same as I did then. It never fucking fades.”

“There’s no time limit on grief.” Cupping the back of his calves, I squeeze, so far out of my element. I’ve dealt with death, but I’ve never been around grief like this. Watching Ian’s watery eyes, my heart is breaking.

I didn’t know Maddox, but I know Ian.

“I can’t imagine anyone getting over you,” I say honestly. “You aren’t someone who’s easily forgettable.”

He snorts. “Bullshit.”

“It’s true.” I swallow, cleaving myself open, exposing myself, but I don’t care. “I know because I haven’t been able to. Since we first met. This . . .” I point between us. “This isn’t new for me. I’ve felt like this for a while.”

His eyes widen. “What?”

I nod with a smile. Fuck he’s cute. This boy with a heart so goddamn big. I just hope there’s a little room in there for me too. Just a little. “I’ve had a thing for you for years, Ian. It’s not faded, in fact, it’s gotten worse. Sleeping next to your temperamental ass this week hasn’t helped either.”

He shakes his head. “I’ve been a dick.”

I grin. “I don’t care, though. I just like you. Dick and all.”

“You do seem to like my dick.”

Daring a little, I pull him forward, and Ian slides into my lap in this tiny chair. The weight of him in my lap feels good even if we’re testing the strength of this cheap plastic. I engulf him in the blanket with me. “You love Maddox. No one can take that from you. It’s not something you need to get over or get rid of. It’s yours. You just have to learn to live with it, as painful as I know that is. You don’t need to get over it. You need to learn to exist with it.”

He chews the inside of his cheek then slumps against me, his cold hands rubbing along my back. “I’m tired of being lonely.” He kisses my neck, sending a shock of heat through my core. “I’m tired of pretending I don’t want you the way I think I’ve always wanted you.”

The confession makes my body freeze. “You’ve got a big heart, Ian. I know there’s room in there for someone else. Just has to be the right person.” And I want that to be me. I’d give him anything, but this he has to do himself. I can’t do it for him. I can only hope when he’s on the other side he’ll want me still.

“Do you want to go inside and shower with me?” I feel his lips on my neck then he gets off my lap and holds out his hand. “Your nipples are stabbing me in the chest.” With a laugh, I get up and follow him into the room.

Inside, I shake my head as Ian pulls off the hoodie, and my eyes wander all over his gorgeous ink. The galaxy tattoo across his chest is done in a way that nearly makes his chest disappear. The planets and stars pop brilliantly against the void behind them, and the edges of space stop right at his throat. I have to admire Maddox’s work. He was an artist through and through. Every line, all these years later, still clean and crisp. He had a way of making art come to life.

And now I’m going to put my mouth on it.