Page 41 of Matched By the Dragon

“Nothing that major,” he shook his head. “It’s mostly past life BS. I think everyone knows I know who my past life true-mate was. Well, I do. I’ll confirm that much, but now there’s more than one in this life and it’s complicated. One of them was in town for the opening party of Omega Ward.”

“That why you left suddenly when your dad called?” I asked him.

“Yeah. I’m avoiding them at all costs,” he nodded. “I came back when I found out you were hurt because I knew Brad would freak out and for good reason. Well, in picking him up I got a whiff of one that’s new in this life and holy…. I left of course. I’m staying away because it’s the kind thing to do. It might be the only way to make anything right, Durin. I know Alby has his thoughts and he’s let everyone know them. He thinks I should ‘get over myself.’ That’s a good way to put it – the problem is I can’t get over who I used to be.”

I thought about it for a long moment while he fell quiet. I couldn’t imagine not being around Brad. Even when we first met and he tried to beat up my shins with his walking stick, I stuck around because by his side was the only place I wanted to be. Still, maybe Raziel was a horrible guy in his past life. Did that matter now? I mean for his personal soul journey, sure, but should it matter to us?

“Hey?”

“Yeah?” he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.

“Have you asked what they want? I mean the other people involved. I get you think staying away from them is the only way to make it right, but isn’t making amends about asking what those amends need to be? I could be wrong. Clyde did get me high enough that bacon attacked me, but even if you’re going to not be together, that feels like it should be a mutual choice.”

“What if they know and they haven’t tried to talk to me?” he asked.

“Maybe they think you don’t want to talk to them and that talking to you isn’t an option. I mean, that is how you’re acting right now. Look, I’m not your boss. I’m not some wise old bear. What I do know is that life is so fucking short, Raziel. So short. As a general rule we have these long ass lifetimes because we’re shifters, but Liza was a shifter. So was Jac. So were Brad’s brother and parents. Not all of them were good or bad, but they have one thing in common now – something or someone killed them before they died of old age. I have Brad now, but I’d give my soul for one more conversation with Liza and I’d give that up just for the twins to meet Jac for five minutes because he’s their sire and they deserve to know he loves them. So, maybe I’m not old or wise. Maybe I’m just still high off my ass and don’t realize it, but, friend, time is short for everyone. You never know what’s going to happen. Hell, if something changed one little bit, maybe I’d have died today. Once people are dead usually they’re gone forever. Even if they’re reborn, they’re still sort of gone. You remember for whatever reason. Maybe it’s a punishment – that’s what you’re treating it like. Maybe it’s a blessing. Maybe it was so you had more time with your people or maybe more time to make it up to your true-mate. I don’t know, but you need to think about that. The time. Maybe you’re the only one who hates you. Look, Brad doesn’t trust many people, but he trusts you.”

“He might not if he knew who I was before,” Raziel sighed.

“Okay, he wouldn’t trust the man you were in a previous life. Well, buddy, good news. He’s dead and gone and you’re here now.”

“Alby wouldn’t like me either,” Raziel sighed.

“I think Alby would finish the job of taking your ears off if he heard you say that,” I said.

“Maybe, but it’s true.”

“Like I said, I’m not your boss and I’m not some wise old bear. At the end of the day, you have to do what you think is best, but I’d ask them what they wanted. Look, if they never want to speak to you again because of who you were, fine. Then you’re vindicated and we’re all assholes for telling you to talk to them, but what if you’re wrong? What if you’re holding onto this idea that your past life has to dictate this one and it doesn’t? Isn’t like the whole last tenet of Frost about that? It’s like be kind to people from faraway because no one was part of this group before it was a group. Where you start out isn’t your final destination.”

“Bennie would cringe at how badly you quoted that and I think he was talking about belonging to bad groups. Not who you were in your past life,” Raziel said.

He was trying to keep his voice level, but a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“From the few weeks I spent at the Temple of Frost, I know they still debate what each and every tenet means. So, I’m making an argument that it includes past life. If you consider that your starting point, it counts. Now, you’re not there anymore. Your journey has brought you here and I don’t think your journey is over and I don’t think being an asshat in one life means you’re one in this life. I think you’re afraid. You’re afraid that your true-mate will hate you and that you won’t be able to live with that. And that’s a bit selfish and you’re not usually a selfish guy. He gets to decide whether or not to hate you. You denying him that because of your fears – that’s cowardly.”

I waited for him to argue, but he didn’t. Neither of us said anything else until we were almost back to the house.

“Look, it’s not like I don’t know I’m selfish. I’ve been trying to tell that to everyone for years,” Raziel said. “I’m the same ole selfish bastard that I was before. It’s no secret.”

“Then change,” I shrugged. “If you don’t want to be that guy, then you have to change. Like literally, park the car and text Silas right now.”

“Huh?” he said, taking the turn into the driveway almost too wide.

“How do---” he started and stopped.

“I know everyone on that guestlist. It might be Omega Ward, but this alpha helped send out handwritten invitations. Brad clearly remembers where he was when you snatched him up and who was close by. You said more than one. He has more than one mate who just happens to have been widowed before getting with him and Kodiak. Look, even on Hemlock Mountain Kodiak was a big deal. He kicked ass in that war. He takes care of his family and his people. As bears, we like Kodiak. So, we know about him.”

“Silas wasn’t my true-mate back then…” Raziel said, letting the engine idle in the driveway.

“I know that. I’m not dumb. Maybe high, but not dumb, okay? But if you were close enough to smell him then he smelled you. Now you’ve left him to deal with the start of the true-mate response on his own and that makes you an asshole. Kodiak is going to come down here and cuff your ears and you’ll deserve it.”

“Huh?” Brad said from the backseat.

“Nothing, baby,” I said. “We’re home. You stay there. Raziel and I will get the cubs out of the car seats if that’s okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded and undid his seatbelt. He leaned forward and put his hand on my shoulder. I turned my head and kissed his fingertips.

“Then Raziel has a text to send.”