Page 53 of Put a Rink on It

“If you must.” Her tone is noncommittal, and I can’t read into it too much, nor let it go to my head she wants me to stay. Only in a true emergency does a fake fiancée trump work.

My open notebook catches my eye, the list of questions taunting me. Except the content is exactly that—a list. We haven’t yet discussed what to do about any of them, except for telling my parents. I thought I was fine with taking things one day at a time, but the more things we added to the list to work out, the more I want to get them answered, decide how to move forward.

Get her to move in with me.

Whoa.

That one crept in without my knowledge, but as I let it sink in, it’s not the worst idea.

It wouldn’t be weird for us to continue long-distance until we’re married, except I don’t want to wait that long. But am I selfish for wanting her to live in a place I barely live in when I’m traveling? She’ll be alone in Connecticut while I’m on the road.

Unless she wants to travel with me, which is probably more selfish to ask her to give everything up when this isn’t real.

Especially because it’s not real.

Why should she uproot her entire life, potentially move to Connecticut, or follow me around the country to live out of hotels, when this has an expiration date?

I can’t ask that of her. She’s already doing enough for me. She deserves stability, normalcy, so when we figure out how to end this, the disruption to her life is minimal.

Look at me thinking through all of this. I should tell her where I’m at, what I’m feeling. It’s only fair.

“I’m gonna quit my job.”

CHAPTER 17

marina

Oops.

I hadn’t planned to tell Nero about my decision, but after discussing it with Juliet, it was on my mind. With all the talk about the future and things we need to decide about, it slipped out.

“I thought you liked your job.”

“I did, but lately it’s been less and less. I don’t love the work like I should.”

Honestly, I hate it, but sharing that feels like admitting failure. Transferring from Centennial was hard for a different reason—it was too challenging. Now, it's just boring.

“Will you look for another one?” He polishes off the last bite of his pizza and sets the empty plate on the side table.

“I don’t know what I want or what else I’m qualified for. Nothing sounds appealing, and I have zero desire to take classes. School is staying in my rearview forever.” A shiver ripples through me. Four and a half years was enough and too long. It’s why I’ve stayed at my current job for as long as I have. There’s fear in change, so it’s easier to stick with what I know.

But now…there’s an opportunity in front of me, one I never would have seen coming in a million years. It’s temporary, but it also gives me time to search for something more fitting. Something more fun. Something more me.

I want to do something more creative, use my brain in a way that feeds it rather than drains it. What this is, I’m still not sure.

I wish I could get paid to do something with hockey, but I don’t know how to channel my knowledge of the game into a paying job. Even if it doesn’t bring in the same income as I make now, at least I’d feel like I’m getting compensated.

I tuck my feet under me, getting more comfy on my side of the couch. “I feel like I’ll get lazy or complacent if there’s nothing on my calendar, no routine to my day, nothing to get out of bed for. I feel like I won’t have a purpose.”

“I disagree, but it’s not for me to say. Could you take some time off to see what it would be like, but if you hated it, you’d still have a job?”

“It’s a question I could pose to my boss, but having it as a backup plan feels like a safety net. Which might be worse.”

“What does Millie say?”

I love how he considers Ma, but also knows that I’ve no doubt talked with her about it.

“She’s coming at it from a practical standpoint. Her biggest concern was not having a steady income coming in, even though I’ve got some in savings to be okay for several months.”