Page 69 of A Countess Never Tells

Her own heart, however, wasn’t quite so forgiving. Forever after, she would always wonder if he was straying if he was out of her sight for more than a few hours. This feeling might diminish in time, but she couldn’t trust him completely. Did she truly want to live that way for the rest of her life?

“Kitty.” Ash put his hand out to her then snatched it back. “Can you find a way to talk to Joan that won’t arouse suspicion?”

“Yes, I’m sure I can. Why?”

“Tell her you discovered something horrible about me. You needn’t elaborate, but you can if you wish. And then tell her that because of this incident, you and I have called our wedding off.” Ash looked as though he was chewing nails.

“What good will that do, Ashwood?” John’s disgust with the scheme was palpable. “You will be married in less than a week. Then Baltimore will know his scheme was for nought.”

“No, he will think he has succeeded because Kitty and I will not be getting married.” Ash looked directly at her, the sadness in his eyes deep and heart-wrenching.

“What?” John shot up out of his chair. “You cannot break off the betrothal. You have taken liberties with Kitty that no one other than a husband is allowed. You must marry her.”

“Last night’s debacle has left Kitty feeling horribly betrayed, I fear.” Ash gazed at her, and Kitty swallowed hard and nodded.

“I think we need to spend some time apart, to let her discover whether she can forgive me or not.” His eyes were upon her, and she dropped her gaze, unwilling to let him see the turmoil that swirled around her mind. “I am willing to wait as long as it takes.”

Hanging her head, Kitty nodded. Perhaps, once the events of last night were not so raw in her mind, she could view them in the proper perspective. See Ash again as the charming, witty, outrageous gentleman who’d captured her heart. And learn to trust him again.

“But, damnation, what if there are consequences?” The wild look in John’s eyes would’ve once made Kitty laugh, but now she was too sad to even smile.

“I can assure you there will be no consequences, brother.” Kitty was suddenly glad she and Ash had refrained from the ultimate intimacy. They would have no worries of that sort to contend with. At the same time, she was incredibly sad they had not indulged in it. And perhaps now never would.

Frowning, John looked from Kitty to Ash and back again. “If that is true, then pray tell me how you knew how to get into Ashwood’s bed chamber?”

Kitty’s heart raced. Wide-eyed, she looked at Ash, whose face showed he wanted to reply about as much as she did. Summoning the last dregs of the brandy’s courage, Kitty looked straight into her brother’s eyes and said, “A countess never tells.”

Chapter 30

Late August 1762

North Yorkshire

The sun was hot, but the wind kept a constant cool breeze on Kitty’s face as she and Anna walked across the fields, heading for the stream that bounded part of the ancestral Haxby estate. It had become a favorite jaunt for the two of them ever since the family had come north, less than a week after Kitty’s betrothal to Lord Ashwood had been dissolved. She and Anna would walk to the brook then, because there was no one there to see, they would strip off shoes and stockings and wade in the cold water, a refreshing pastime in the heat of the northern sun.

Kitty rejoiced in her small companion, but she’d also come to value the solitude of the isolated estate. Most mornings, she struck off after breakfast, walking the perimeter of the property, sometimes for miles alone with her thoughts. Her birthday would arrive with the first week of September. Her twenty-fifth birthday. A watershed no woman wanted to celebrate without a husband; however, Kitty was coming to terms with the eventuality of her looming spinsterhood.

Fortunately, she needn’t worry about a home or income. Although he’d not stated it bluntly, John had intimated that she would always have a home with him and Judith and Anna—and the child they were expecting in the spring. She was truly happy for her brother, and excitement that this might be the long-hoped-for heir had all three of them smiling as they went about their daily routines. Work had begun almost immediately on renovations to the nursery, another reason Kitty kept Anna outside during the day.

“Can we go wading now?” Anna’s plaintive voice and red face were so forlorn, Kitty had to laugh.

“Yes, we can, love.” Kitty stripped off Anna’s little shoes and stockings then her own. They had reached their favorite spot for wading, less than a mile from the house and with a natural rock shelf from which Kitty could sit and watch Anna while she dangled her feet in the water and thought about Ash.

In the weeks since they’d said farewell, Kitty had tried to forget the handsome, charming scoundrel who’d stolen her heart—with dismal results. The pain of his betrayal, once she’d admitted the situation hadn’t been his fault, had faded with time. Now, instead of the lurid memory of him in bed with that other woman, she most often thought of him during the night at Vauxhall, or dancing that first evening at Lady Sutherland’s ball, or any number of encounters with Ash that had made her fall in love with him.

She’d not heard from him, nor expected to. Judith, however, had received a letter from Lady Wymer who informed her that Ash had let his townhouse in London and apparently gone back to his family’s estate in Staffordshire. He might as well be on the moon for all the good it would do Kitty, all the way up here in York. She held her breath, the ache in her heart suddenly overtaking her, as it did every so often. It would pass. It always did. She had to disregard this longing for something that simply wasn’t meant to be.

The sun was beginning to sink in the western sky. Time for them to return home. Perhaps she would sit and read the last chapters of Clarissa before dinner. The much-longed-for final volumes had been a keen disappointment to Kitty. Clarissa had not found happiness with Lovelace, due to the fact that he turned out to be the villain of the piece… Unhappy endings seemed to plague her now.

Kitty and Anna put their shoes and stockings back on and meandered toward the house. Dinner wasn’t until seven in the country, so there was no need to rush. Time, Kitty had found, was something she had in abundance these days. There was little society in the sparsely populated area, only four families within a twenty-mile radius. Pleasant people, to be sure, but no one her own age with whom Kitty could form a friendship. Recently, she’d begun to wonder if John would object if, after the baby came in the spring, she might return to Cambridgeshire and Donningham House where they’d grown up. There must be more society there than here. And old acquaintances she might renew friendships with. Anything to keep her from the loneliness that had begun to overwhelm her.

They arrived back at the house, and Nurse took Anna upstairs for her tea. Kitty climbed the stairs slowly, contemplating asking to take tea in her room so she could finish Clarissa before dinner. It would be a melancholy ending, of that she was assured. Clarissa was already fading, Lovelace had gone off to be with his dying uncle, and the only character in whom to be even mildly interested was Lovelace’s friend, John Belford. Still, she was determined to finish it. She hated to leave anything incomplete.

Kitty reached her bed chamber, a lovely room with pale yellow wallpaper and China blue accents. It would be cheery even in the winter months, which she understood were severe here. Another reason to retire to Cambridgeshire, where she was more used to the climate.

Jolly greeted her at the door. Her maid was one of her staunchest friends. Kitty could not have survived these past weeks without her. “Could you send for tea for me, please, Jolly? I wish to lie down and read for a while before dinner.”

“Very good, miss.” Jolly stood hovering, which was odd. “Shall I put out your blue-and-white striped gown for dinner tonight?”