Page 19 of A Countess Never Tells

Well, she’d certainly known what she’d wanted from him. “I didn’t know where we were going, Judith. Once we were off the path and in the dark…” Kitty shrugged, refusing to be miserable because of her feelings. “I didn’t want him to stop kissing me.”

“Oh, dear.” Judith seized her tea, her face now grave. “This is what your brother and I feared, Kitty. This is why I was so upset when I found you with Lord Ashwood. He will do nothing but bring you to ruin, my dear, then leave you to make whatever marriage you can, if you can.”

Wasn’t that what was in store for Kitty anyway? She needed to find a way to enjoy Lord Ashwood’s company while she could, before she married Lord Quatford, and it was too late. “I simply want to have some excitement in my life for once, Judith. A bit of scandalous fun before I marry and settle down into an unexceptional life. I’ve never had the chance for anything like this before.” Kitty looked to her sister-in-law, pleading.

Judith shook her head. “He is a rake, Kitty. With a horrible reputation. He hasn’t ever tried to hide his misdeeds but rather thumbed his nose at Society’s morals.” Judith clenched her hands. “I do know something of this, my dear. My first husband was a rake, though not so notorious as Lord Ashwood. Before we married, I convinced myself I could change him into a good husband. You know the old chestnut—rakes make the best husbands. Perhaps I did not try hard enough, but in the end, I thanked God I did not succeed, for I would not now have the best of husbands in John. I truly love and admire him, Kitty, which is something I did not feel for my first husband. Simon was exciting, both in and out of the bedroom, and convinced me that was enough. That’s what rakes do, my dear. They seduce you with all their pretty words, but it is what a man does that will mark him as a gentleman worthy of your love and respect.”

“Then why do I feel so…” Lord, what was the word to explain how only Lord Ashwood made her feel? “I suppose it’s best described as joyful when I am in his company.” Still, it was more than just joy. The sheer happiness that overwhelmed her each time she saw him made her fearful. What if no other man ever made her feel that way again?

Judith patted her hand. “He is a very personable gentleman, I give you that. And handsome.” Her sister-in-law smiled and shook her head. “I do understand why you find him so attractive, my dear. I daresay his good looks and charming personality are the reasons he has been able to be such a prodigious rake. Add to that the title Earl of Ashwood, and what woman would not be charmed into ruin? I beg of you, Kitty, do not be one of them.”

The door to the drawing room opened, and the butler entered, followed by a footman carrying a huge bouquet of pink roses. “These were just delivered for Miss Tate, my lady. With this note.” Barr handed Judith the missive, Kitty’s name elegantly scrawled across it.

“Thank you, Barr. Can you put the flowers in a vase with water and bring them here? Miss Tate will want to arrange them.”

“Very good, my lady.” The butler nodded to the footman then they both headed from the room.

Judith opened the note, glanced at it, and handed it over to Kitty. “I am certain you know who these are from even without this.”

Nodding, Kitty nevertheless read the single sheet several times.

Dear Miss Tate,

Please accept this bouquet as a token of my admiration for your kindness in partnering me at Lady Sutherland’s and for accompanying me to Vauxhall. I sincerely hope to partner you in a dance in future as well.

Your obedient servant,

Lord Ashwood

Kitty’s heart had begun racing from the moment the flowers appeared. The note had made it pound like the hooves of a racehorse in the home stretch. If he wanted to dance with her again, did that also mean he wished for more kisses? Or…more?

She wanted a dalliance with him. Was she willing to let it end with just kisses? So scandalous were these thoughts she kept her eyes on her tea, which she was stirring so hard a whirlpool had formed in the center. Similar to the whirling sensation down low in her body last night when Lord Ashwood had spoken of kissing being like fireworks.

If she did agree to…more than just kisses, what would happen to her afterward? Most likely she’d be quickly married off to Lord Quatford—which was what would happen to her anyway. Why not grab that bit of excitement for herself and make memories she’d have for the rest of her life?

Kitty sighed. She absolutely could not tell any of this to Judith, much as she needed advice about those strange sensations. She would have to trust that she’d understand it all once it happened again. “Then you believe that, should I agree to marry Lord Quatford, say, he will make me feel the way Lord Ashwood does?”

“I do believe it, Kitty, because that has been my experience. I was desperate to marry Simon, my first husband. Thought I would die if I did not. As a result, I almost died because I married him. And now all those passionate feelings I had for Simon, I have ten-fold and more for John. You simply must wait for the right gentleman to inspire them. If you gave him a chance, it might very well be Lord Quatford.”

Kitty had even graver doubts about that. No one else she’d met this Season had made her feel so warm or made her body desire their touch like Lord Ashwood did. Especially not Lord Quatford. The only person who’d ever come close to doing so was Lord Trevor, another gentleman with rakish tendencies, but he’d married Anna’s governess and, by all accounts, become a model husband. So the old saying could be true, although likely not in the case of Lord Ashwood.

“Come, Kitty.” Judith patted her hands. “You have plenty of time to find the perfect gentleman for you.” She leaned back and sipped her tea, a look of complete contentment stealing over her face.

“At four and twenty, I do not necessarily think that the case, my dear.” Kitty tasted her tea also, but it was cold. “By the time you were my age, you had a husband and child.” It was hard sometimes not to be bitter that she hadn’t been able to come out in Society at the proper age. If she had, perhaps she might now be Lady Trevor.

“We are going to Lady Braeton’s ball this week. Surely that will cheer you up. You are always such a popular partner with the gentlemen. One of them might suddenly take your fancy.”

“Unless there is someone new there, I fear that will not be the case.” The fun of the social whirl was beginning to pall. “I’ve danced and conversed and played cards with all the eligible gentlemen, young and old, all Season long. Nothing is going to change this week.” Lord Quatford’s face came to mind. “None of them are…” She’d been about to say, ‘None of them are as exciting as Lord Ashwood.’ “If none of them has excited any such feelings in me thus far, I doubt they will do so tomorrow.”

With a deep sigh, Kitty rose. No need to cry for the moon when she could not have it. “Are you coming shopping with me this afternoon? I must buy new gloves and ribbons to match the shade of blue in the gown I’m to wear to Lady Braeton’s. Then I need to go to the bookseller for another volume of the book I’m reading.” If one couldn’t be happy, best stay busy.

“Would you mind terribly taking Jolly with you instead? I so want to spend more time with Anna this afternoon.” Her sister-in-law smiled, a look of longing in her eyes.

“Of course, I can take Jolly and a footman.” She’d wanted some company but understood Judith’s desire to be with her child. “I’ll send a note to Lady Phoebe asking her if she’d like to accompany me.” Not a favorite companion, but at least Phoebe wouldn’t want to talk about Lord Ashwood.

On second thought, perhaps she didn’t want company. That way she could contemplate how and when she might meet Lord Ashwood and arrange to dally some more. He certainly must know all the tricks and subterfuges they could employ to accomplish that. After all, that was what rakes did best, wasn’t it?

Chapter 9