Page 94 of Not Just for Christmas

I don’t want you here. There can be no us.

A shiver ran down his spine, remembering her words last night.

He felt a stab of guilt for not pushing back harder against Will. Maybe if he had, Lucy’s answer might have been different.

He missed Devon already. He missed the beauty of the landscape, the ever-present sound of the waves, he even missed the smell of the farmyard.

He wished he was still in Craggy Bay. Anytime now Lucy and Sam would be heading to the little lifeboat house down at the beach. On today of all days, when Lucy could use a shoulder to lean on, he wasn’t there for her. Instead, he was being touted round British media who didn’t care who they interviewed so long as they got enough material to fill their pages.

Once again he’d gone with his default setting: he’d thought of the potential damage to his career instead of following his heart.

Lucy had hit the nail on the head with her comment about who worked for whom. For too long he’d been saying he wanted to make some changes in his working life; it was about time he actually followed through with it. He’d be celebrating twenty years in the music business soon, he’d earned the right to take a step back if he wanted to.

Case in point: the Star Quality judge job Will had dropped on him last night. It was a hard no from Dylan and he wanted to make sure Will got the message. But he didn’t want to get into it now. It was only forty minutes until he was due on air at Boom Radio and quite frankly, after a sleepless night, an early start and a very long drive he was conserving his energy for his interviews.

His phone rang. He grabbed it, hoping it was Lucy, but the name flashing up on the screen was Rachel.

‘Hey sis.’

‘Hey little brother, just checking in, making sure you’re still alive.’

He smiled reluctantly. ‘Yeah, hanging on in there.’

‘So come on, how’s Lucy, are you still madly in love with her? How’s Sam doing? Tell me everything.’

‘She’s … Sam is …’ Dylan floundered, not knowing where to start. ‘They’re good, both good, I think. I’m actually in London right now.’

‘What the hell!’ Rachel exclaimed. ‘Isn’t it the anniversary of Jack’s accident today?’

‘Yep.’ He pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course she would remember, she remembered everything, from every embarrassing thing he’d done as a kid, to the important stuff like this. ‘I know, I know, you don’t need to say it.’

‘I do,’ she retorted. ‘You’re an idiot and you sound dreadful. Why are you in London anyway?’

‘A press day unfortunately. Will wants me to tease the new album ready for next year.’ He groaned. ‘Sometimes I wish I could walk away from being in the public eye, change direction, stop doing what everyone else wants, ignore the record company, not return my manager’s calls. And just … escape.’

‘So do that. Take a break, make the change,’ Rachel said simply. ‘You’ve achieved everything you set out to do. You owe it to yourself.’

‘Professionally, maybe,’ he argued. ‘My personal life sucks.’

Rachel was quiet for a second. ‘Has something happened with you and Lucy?’

‘Sort of.’ Dylan let out a slow breath. ‘She kissed me last night.’

‘Hallelujah!’ she whooped. ‘Dylan, this is amazing! I’m so pleased, she’ll be so good for you, and you for her. Honestly, bro, this has made my Christmas.’

She gave such a dreamy sigh that it was almost a pity to spoil her joy.

‘Sorry to rain on your parade, Rach, but I think it might have just been a one-off,’ he said, his shoulders slumping.

‘What! No, don’t say that,’ she pleaded.

‘Unfortunately, as soon as she realised what she’d done, she pushed me away and said it shouldn’t have happened.’ He groaned with frustration. ‘Am I an asshole for wanting my best friend’s widow?’

‘You’re only an asshole if she’s totally not into you,’ Rachel replied.

He settled back against the headrest, closed his eyes and conjured her up in his mind. Her face tilted upwards, eyes closed as he caressed her skin, her lips on his, her fingertips drawing tantalising circles on his chest. He hadn’t imagined it. Her body language had told him she wanted him, like he wanted her.

‘I think she is, but I also think she’s holding back.’ He opened his eyes and sat up. ‘It also turns out the invite to join them at the farm came from Sam, not her. She even said she didn’t want me to come.’