Page 112 of Not Just for Christmas

Sam eyed me suspiciously. ‘Not on the beach it isn’t. It’s boring.’

‘True story, dude,’ said Dylan, bending down to help Sam with his boots. ‘Can you believe it, everyone else was surfing and your mom was reading a book? I thought she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.’

I looked at him then, really looked into his eyes, remembering how we were little more than kids back then. Thinking of all the life we had lived since. And wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t been sitting on that blanket reading a book, would we have even met?

Sam frowned. ‘Was that in the olden days?’

Dylan laughed. ‘Out of the mouths of babes.’

‘Oi, cheeky!’ I picked Sam up and swung him around until he squealed to be put down.

‘Anyway, I was only pretending to read,’ I said to Dylan. ‘Really I was watching you fall off your surfboard. You were very good at that if I remember.’

‘Oh really?’ He folded his arms as Sam collapsed in a fit of giggles.

The sound of their laughter mingled with the wind, and something about that moment, the three of us together, joking on this beach that I’d avoided for so long, steadied me. With Dylan’s hand around mine and Sam’s giggles ringing out, I realised I didn’t want fear to be the thing that defined my relationship with the ocean anymore. Jack would’ve hated that. He’d want Sam to love the sea, to love life. And deep down, I wanted that too.

A cheer went up further along the beach, pulling my attention out to sea. The bright orange lifeboat was cutting through the waves, its crew standing tall against the spray. Superhero of the Sea, her name proudly painted across the bow. As she drew closer, people started clapping and waving, the sound carrying on the cold wind.

‘There she is,’ I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Dylan squeezed my hand.

The lifeboat glided into the shallows, and the crew climbed out, laughing as they waded through the surf, their boots splashing. Malc was among them, and he raised a hand, checking his watch.

‘Eleven o’clock on the dot!’ he shouted. ‘Let’s get this Christmas Dip started!’

A huge cheer went up and dozens of Santas and snowmen began charging into the sea.

Sam looked up at me, eyes wide with excitement. ‘Mum, are you ready? Please?’

I looked at water and my heart thudded.

‘I’ve got you,’ Dylan murmured. ‘I’ve got you both.’

‘OK,’ I said briskly. ‘Let’s do this.’

I shed my coat, jammed Santa hats onto all of our heads and the three of us ran together to the water’s edge, where icy waves lapped at our feet.

‘Ready, you two?’ Dylan asked.

‘YEAH!’ Sam jumped up and down.

‘As I’ll ever be,’ I said, laughing as we ran forward, splashing into the surf. The water was like knives against my skin, but it didn’t matter. Sam was shrieking with laughter, Dylan whooping beside us, and I felt something inside me lift, something new stirring in my chest. Not the ache of what I’d lost, but the unexpected joy of what might come, and it felt bloody fantastic.

Five minutes later, most people, including us, stumbled back onto the sand, freezing cold and breathless; the crowd of onlookers was cheering and clapping us, handing out towels and hot drinks as we made our way back to our blanket.

Sam’s teeth were chattering, but his grin was wide and uncontainable.

‘I loved that,’ he panted. ‘Can we do it every year?’

‘We can.’ I brushed the wet hair from his forehead and smiled through tears that caught me off guard. ‘Daddy would be so proud of you.’

Dylan wrapped a towel around my shoulders, his touch steady and sure. ‘You did it, Lucy,’ he said quietly.

‘We did it,’ I replied, leaning into him as the lifeboat crew hauled Superhero of the Sea back into deeper water, her orange hull gleaming in the pale light. The people of Craggy Bay were all safe, all having fun, just as it should be.

The church bells began to ring from the village up on the hill, echoing over the bay. I watched the sea glitter and swell, and for the first time in two years, I didn’t feel afraid of it. I felt alive.